#GiveThanks

President Nelson spoke to us through a video message on Friday (link here) and encouraged us to have and share gratitude.  He invited us to post on social media for seven days using the hashtag #GiveThanks. 

I apologize that this is my first post (without sharing the reasons why - that's another story) - we'll just be happy that I finally figured it out :)  

This is how I social media!

I had such a beautiful experience today during the closing prayer of our sacrament meeting.  Actually, the whole meeting was wonderful, starting with the opening prayer, when my thoughts turned to my mother-n-law, Idris.  

I cannot share all of the thoughts and impressions I felt during the meeting - there were many - but I do want to share one that happened during the closing prayer, given by the spouse of the person who gave the opening prayer.  For privacy reasons I will not share their names, so I hope it's not too confusing.

Idris would visit with him on occasion when she was in the store where he worked.  I remember her talking about him with kindness and love, and I remember him (and his family) coming to visit her.  She loved this man and his family and wished for them to be taught and accept the gospel of Jesus Christ and be baptized.  

She passed away before she could see that happen, but it did eventually happen.  They were baptized at the beginning of this year when guests were limited due to Covid restrictions.  I was disappointed that I could not attend because I truly wished to be there, and I also wanted to somehow represent my mother-in-law.  

I was reminded of this because of the prayers given today.

At the end of the closing prayer I had a beautiful tender vision that brightened my heart and soul.  I suppose it was more of a thought but I could see it in my mind.  I could see Idris gathering all of her family and friends in heaven, gesturing with her arms inviting all to come watch this lovely family as they made covenants with the Lord and performed this sacred saving ordinance.  I could feel her excitement as she did this with such exuberance.  I could see the smile on her face and the light in her eyes.  I imagine she was giving and receiving loving hugs and kisses on the cheek to and from those loved ones she was gathering. And knowing her, everyone around her, even those she did not know, were her loved ones. It was a glorious thought and vision in my mind.  I was caught up in it so much that, I'm sorry to say, I missed the last several seconds of the prayer.  It was just over and things were quiet - the prayer and then my thoughts/vision.  I then felt sorry that I missed the closing of his prayer but grateful for the tender feelings that I was left with.

I don't know how things really happen in the Spirit World, but this was a precious moment and my heart was touched and filled with love and joy.  This little vision in my mind that took place all at once, within only a few seconds time was a tender mercy that brightened my whole day. I'm still smiling!  And I #GiveThanks for it!

I am so grateful for the Spirit that touches our hearts and minds - for the inspiration that comes, for guidance and direction, for warmth and comfort, for love and joy - from heaven.  

President Nelson also shares "The Story Behind My Global Prayer of Gratitude"  (link here)

There is Beauty All Around!

My mom and dad came to visit us the last week of July.  They had their van packed full of tools and wood and more, and their hearts filled with love.  They were anxious to begin the projects that needed to be done.  I knew they were coming and would be working on my windows - framing them in.

My dad measured the windows last time they were here.  He purchased the wood and cut it and painted it before he came.  Then put them up and touched them up.  Anthony caulked around almost every window. I helped paint the touch up on the walls, but that is the extent of my help.  (I'll be doing more of that soon.)

The window project wasn't the only thing he had on his agenda - he brought his weed eater and began to use it everywhere.  He trimmed the trees in the back and the one in the front.   The weather was hot and awful, but he was determined and was going to complete the work he set out to do.  He has always worked hard and accomplished good things and there is no stopping him now.  And my mother was beside him most every minute of the day - helping, taking him cold water, visiting, and just enjoying being together.  I love that about them.

My yard looks so clean!
It has been many years since one person has done so much on his own, in one week in my yard.  My dad is champion!

As I drove to my home after my seminary inservice meeting the day after they left, I felt so pleased and excited to see the clean yard and beautiful windows.

He was going to put up shutters, but my order arrived late and they were definitely not the quality I was hoping for.  I sent them back.  I'll decide later if I want to get another, better brand.  For now, it's lovely just the way it is.

The corner where he trimmed the trees looks so nice.  It really is delightful to see.  I didn't realize how discouraging it was to me until I now see it so clean.  I feel much "lighter" - seems like a strange way to describe it, but it's how I feel.  

  

It looks great everywhere!  Well, we do live on a farm, in a part of the country where weeds are plentiful, so we still have weeds around us, but the yard we live and play in looks great.


You'll see in the next two photos that there is some smoke rising to the south of our house.  That was last Saturday, 7:30 am.  No worries for our property, but I'm so sad for everything it destroyed where ever it was.   It just kept traveling eastward and up Saddle Mt along it's way. It seems that every summer for the past several summers, we've had fires around us to keep our air filled with smoke.  It is common now, but it wasn't always that way.  This is as close as it's ever been to us.  So much destruction taking place - wish we could control it.

No matter what else is going on around us, when I walk out on my deck, to the south, and then turn around, I see this corner that brightens my day.  The trimmed trees and shrubs, the weeded area around the border and fence.  This is the way I feel wherever I look in my yard.  There is beauty all around!

The phrase "a picture tells a thousand words" might fit here, but there is only one word that comes to mind - LOVE!  
Well maybe a few words.   MY DAD!  MY MOM!  TERRY!  HEAVENLY FATHER AND JESUS CHRIST!   GRATITUDE!  My heart is full!

I know my parents love me.  I am grateful for them and for their kindnesses to me and my children and grandchildren.  My children and grandchildren love them.  We enjoyed having them with us.


I am so grateful for Terry and for all that he did for us.  He was a good provider and father and husband.  I am grateful for this area that we homesteaded - he is here among the beauty.


I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and for my Savior.  I love Them, and I know They love me.  I could not endure without Them.  All that I have is because of Them.   "I feel my Savior's love, in all the world around me" - but especially in my little part of the world.

10 December 2015

It's been one year since Terry passed away and I miss him terribly..., but I'm Fine!

I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.

I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.

I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.

All I have are memories and your picture in a frame.

Your memory is a keepsake from which I'll never part.

God has you in His arms, I have you in my heart.

I prayed that I would be okay, and I continually tried to reassure myself that the Lord has been strengthening me these past six months and that I can do this.  I know it's true!

I wanted to celebrate and recall the great memories of our first 35 years and not dwell on the memories of being without him during this last year, nor dread the next however many years I have to live without him - because it's just too hard on a soul to be sad every second of the day.

I woke up Thursday morning with a peaceful feeling and felt that my day was going to be okay.

image from here

I went to teach seminary almost like it was any other day..., but I had a back up plan ready to set in motion if needed. (Thanks to a great friend that was ready and willing to prepare just in case, and then come take my place if my emotions got the best of me.)

I got to seminary and was surprised to see three students there early before I even entered the classroom, so I could sense a difference but didn't pay much attention to anything else except finding a place to put the things piled in my arms.

I noticed my lectern at one side of the room.  It had a plate of cookies and little hearts scattered around with encouraging words written on each. It immediately brought joy to my heart and tears to my eyes.

Awesomeness!  This is the plate of cookies and the hearts that were scattered around the table top

I then knew why the girls had come early and gratitude filled my whole soul.  I felt of their love, and put my things down on a table and went back to give them a hug.

Then they started to explain a few things and tell me more about it and that is when I noticed the rest of the room.  I felt silly for not having noticed it first, but my mind and eyes were on other things as I entered the room.  There was another "heart attack" on the white board, with notes from my students.

It was a beautiful sight to behold - beautiful to my eyes and to my heart and soul.  Of course my emotions surfaced again ...,

and again, when one of the boys walked in with this lovely arrangement.

I was able to teach that day and at the end of class I had a little cup of almond m&ms for each of them and asked them to give me a handshake or hug as they left, if they felt comfortable.  I have awesome students!   I am grateful for each one of them.  I love them!  I am grateful that God gave them to me.


I continued to feel a special spirit throughout the day.  I wished I could decipher whether that spirit was from Terry or from the Savior.  Then something special happened that afternoon and I knew that it was Terry that was with me, because immediately an impression came to me that was him talking to me in his familiar tone of voice and with words that he would have used, and my mind then knew what my heart had been feeling.  I was grateful to know he was with me.

Later that day as I was talking about that experience I realized that it really is awesome that I don't always know if it is Terry or the Spirit of the Lord with me, and that just means they are similar enough to each other that I cannot tell them apart.

I must certainly make sure my actions here on earth will make me the person that Terry wants back when the time comes.

In addition to this love shown at seminary, I received texts and phone calls and emails and visits that
kept me busy all day.  I am grateful for family and friends.  Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers on my behalf (and for my family too).

It certainly has been a difficult year ...,

image from here 

but it has included some special times that I will treasure.

I am not grateful that Terry left this earth life when he did, but I am grateful for our Savior and Heavenly Father who have proven that They are aware of me, my family and the situation They placed us in.  Sometimes I feel lost, but I am very aware of the fact that I am / We are not alone.

image from here 

This day was a tender mercy!

The Blessings

The first song I played this morning was timely as I turned around and saw all the signs of cold outside and felt the warmth from inside this wonderful home, and a blanket of gratitude enveloped me.  This song began and the words fit so perfectly with all I beheld - our home and homestead.   It matched my feeling of gratitude for the moment, and even made it more than what it was.  I am grateful for The Blessings - all that's been given me.  All that Terry provided for us and for the Lords hand it it all.





I hope Terry can see and/or know of the love and desire in my eyes - my love for him and for the Savior and our Heavenly Father, and my desire to be with him and Them.   I think my eyes have a hard time showing anything but pain lately.   I hope and pray that I will make the necessary changes in my life and endure well (better than I have) as I continue on this path back to them.

I have been trying to focus more on my blessings instead of my loss.  It is tremendously difficult but I keep repenting and trying again.  It will probably take me years of trying, but with Christ on my side I know I can eventually succeed - and, I'm succeeding as long as I do keep trying.

I am so grateful for the Savior who atoned for me - a blessing beyond measure!

I am grateful that He made it possible for families to be together forever.

What a marvelous blessing that is.

I am so grateful for The Blessings!  Each and every one of them!

"male and female created he them"

Happy Fathers Day!

I read through the May 2015 Ensign through the month of May and enjoyed every message.  As I read a message given at the General Conference Priesthood Session

Fatherhood, Our Eternal Destiny by Larry M. Gibson

I felt the goodness of it and decided to write a post - and post dated it for Father's Day.

I enjoyed reading it and thought of my father, my husband, and my sons.  This one sentence touched my heart.

"I love being a husband and father - married to a chosen daughter of heavenly parents.  I love her.  It is one of the most fulfilling parts of my life."   

Immediately after reading that line (and hoping that Terry could say that of me) I changed one thing with that sentence - from male to female because it echoed my sentiments as to how I feel about my position in life.

I love being a wife and mother - married to a chosen son of heavenly parents.  I love him.  It is one of the most fulfilling parts of my life.  

We cannot celebrate Father's Day the same as we have the past 34 years, but we can remember the good times.  It is awesome to have good times to remember.

My thoughts continued - We cannot celebrate Father's Day without mothers and we cannot celebrate Mother's Day without fathers.  There just cannot be one without the other.  Adam may have been created first, but Eve was placed at his side and when they became father and mother it was side by side at the exact same time. One could not be without the other.  That's just the way it is.  That's just the way our Father in Heaven, and I might add, our Savior, Jesus Christ, wanted and planned and created it.  "And, behold, it was very good." (Genesis 1:31)

I am grateful for my earthly father.  You can learn a little about him here.  I am grateful for his many years of love and sacrifice on my behalf, his guidance and counsel, his example of all things good, for his testimony and his faith in Christ. I'm grateful that he is my father. I love him!

I am grateful for my husband, who became the father of our children.  I am grateful for everything about him.  I am grateful that he found me and loved me and wanted me to be at his side always and forever, and lived a life that would allow that to happen.  He is a good man. I love him!

This image is from a poem book I created for him eight years ago.  The image includes words I put together for Terry for our anniversary ten years ago, that tried to share how I felt about him.  They help one see the man Terry was and is, but it is not complete.

One of our sons started a list of thoughtful words that others have used to describe Terry from the cards and comments since his passing.  I have tried to continue to add to it as things continued to come in. As I read through them I feel grateful for him and that others saw him as the good man he was.  I am so anxious to see what he is becoming still.  I look forward to that day with great joy and anticipation.

Some of these were said word for word by more than one, but not listed here more than once. 
·       Pleasure to talk to
·       Great neighbor
·       Wonderful man in our community
·       A great example
·       Endure trial with a positive attitude and stay the same purpose
·       Awesome person
·       Good influence
·       Always close to the spirit
·       Confident in his faith
·       Humbly followed the Savior and His servants
·       Steadiness and constant faith
·       A great man
·       So kind, gentle and humble
·       Full of love
·       Righteous example
·       Always willing to share his testimony
·       Quiet confidence and kindness
·       Always had a smile no matter what he was going through.
·       Very caring man
·       Easy going spirit
·       Friendly disposition
·       Competed hard, always put the team first
·       Inspiration to his teammates and coaches
·       Reflective, intelligent person with solid priorities
·       Quiet, compassionate, loving soul
·       Quiet natured generosity and kindness
·       Valiant spirit
·       No finer man than Terry
·       Such a good man. They don’t come any finer.
·       Incredible beacon of light
·       Sweet smile and sweeter spirit
·       Honorable man, a man to be remembered.  Always had a big heart and good soul.
·       Good man with a good family
·       Very good spirit and soul
·       Good man, wise man, good friend
·       Handsome, wonderful man
·       Gentle and soft.  A man of not many words, but was a poet.  He thought before he spoke and spoke with economy of words in manly way.
·       Courage, strength, faithfulness and endurance
·       Exemplary father and great example of a faith filled life
·       Intense inquisitiveness and compassion.  Quiet yet intense concern for and about others was one of his great strengths.  Wonderful friend and example.
·       Generous and kind
·       An example of what is good and right
·       Wonderful, inspiring man

I am grateful for the years Terry and I had together.  And behold, it was very good!

I am grateful for my 8 sons.  My desire for these sons is that they recognize their eternal destiny and fulfill it well.  I am grateful for the men they are becoming.  We spend a life time becoming, and it doesn't end there.  Improvement and progression is one eternal round.  Each of us has a divine nature.  Wonderful isn't it!

There is a young man out there somewhere that will join our family someday, becoming our only son in law, and I am grateful for him, even though I do not know him at this time.  Most likely BrittanyJo has not yet met him, but he is out there and I pray for him, that he will be the husband and father and son of God that God intends him to be, strong and steadfast in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I am grateful for good men everywhere - Our Prophet, our Bishop, Priesthood leaders that have blessed our lives and help us become who we are today and encourage us to become better.  Friends and neighbors who share and serve and spread love and kindness.

I am grateful for our loving Heavenly Father.  He and His Beloved Son are One in purpose and together They know me, They love me, They help me, They guide me, They comfort me ...   I love Them!  They make this life so very good!

Spouse First!

A few weeks ago I found an article and started my own post to share my own thoughts and feelings on the subject.  I didn't take time to finish that post the same day I started it and have now returned to complete it.
Here is my post, beginning with the article I found that inspired a response to it.


Why I'll Always Put My Husband Before My Kids

Further searching led me to another great article about putting spouse first.

4 key reasons why it matters to put your spouse before your children  (Just saying - this is awesome!)

Reading those articles reminded me of Terry and me.


I will never regret the times we sat next to each other instead of letting our children sit between us, sitting next to him at the table instead of at the other end of the table across from him, walking down the sidewalk together with kids around us instead of between us, sitting in the car beside each other instead of one of us in the back with the kids (except when we had a student driver, of course), and also not letting the children in our beds with us (that was learned quite quickly after very few attempts when little ones were ill - it just wasn't worth it).

When we went to Seattle for Terry's transplants it was suggested that I take turns with others to be his caregiver, but we couldn't even consider that route.   There really was no other way for us - being there together was just the right way to handle it - and I am so glad we chose that way.  We felt bad that neither of us were with the kids, but we were doing the right thing.  Life is full of difficult decisions and requirements.


The first article I read closed by saying this;
"In a few years, our son and daughter will leave our home and when they do, I want to celebrate a job well done with my lover—not sit in a quiet house with a person who has become a stranger as a result of years of quietly drifting apart."

This is what I wanted too, but we all know that it didn't get to happen for me like that.

My dream of sitting out in the yard beside my husband, holding hands, enjoying the beautiful scenery, which would include our wonderful family around us, is no longer a dream I can create in this life.

The reality of that crushed dream is precisely another great reason I am an avid believer of  always put your spouse first.   It might be over sooner than you thought and you want no regrets. I do not regret the times we were together, putting each other first.  Sure I have regrets and could think of several if I let myself dwell there, but that is not a very fun place to go, so I try to avoid that place.

I do however need to admit that we did miss a few moments because I felt I had too many little children to spend too much time away from them for husband / wife trips.  We had talked more than once about the fact that we made up for that with our Seattle times the last few years, but I do miss that we didn't allow that to happen earlier in our lives.
I thought we would be able to do that later in our lives - I didn't know then what I know now.
(Let me also say that I do still believe that husband / wife trips can be abused and happen too often for some. It might turn out different for those who loose a child too early and spent all of their time off on business or pleasure trips.  That sounded wrong - surely too early is any time.)


My time with my husband wasn't long enough ... it was over too soon!
But I am deeply grateful for the time we did have together!   The time we spent married was maybe half the time we wished for, but Terry has indeed become a real part of me and I, even with a few regrets, do feel that our relationship was a "job well done".  What a blessing he has been in my life, and I believe he will yet continue to be a blessing in my life.


Just as Helen Keller said;

What we have once enjoyed we can never lose.  

All that we love becomes a part of us.

personal photo of gift we gave to Terry's mother a few years ago, that made it back into our possession

 
Our love grew through the years and I keep praying that it will continue to grow.  After all, there will be many changes made by each of us before we meet again.

And for now my children and grandchildren can sit on either side of me without concern of steeling it from their father or grandfather.

Someday we will be side by side again and I look forward to that with great anticipation.  Will I get to hug him and kiss him and sit next to him and make up for lost time?  Will we have so much to tell each other or will we just know those things somehow?

The reuniting, however it takes place, will no doubt be glorious, and there will certainly be an overflowing of love and admiration.

The second article I mentioned above closed with information testifying of this
"When your marriage is going well, it improves every other part of your life."

That has to include the rest of my life too.
So, on that note, I end with a grateful heart!

A Celebration

Our family has a birthday today!  It is a day we have celebrated for 23 years.  We often have cake and ice cream for breakfast on this day, but I forgot to make a cake for today, so we didn't celebrate. Sometimes we even purchase a gift for the house but I didn't get that done this year either.  However, today I feel an extra special joy in my heart for the reason for this celebration because it was provided for me and my family by a loving husband/father.

Today we celebrate the birthday of our house.  We moved in 23 years ago today.   Here is our 23 year old house.  

I have always been grateful for it, but like most other things, there is a different feel to it now.  Terry provided for us in a very good way.  He worked hard and smart and he is still providing for us because of those good works in life.  

I must also say that I know that Terry was able to provide, not only because he was smart and willing and dedicated to us, but it was also with help from Heaven.  He believed in and trusted in Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father's plan.  Through that faith Terry was blessed, and so were we.  

Each night I thank the Lord for all that Terry provided for us and how he made sure we were taken care of, and I also thank the Lord for His hand in it all.

I found a few photos from our scrapbook to share - 

In this first picture Terry is working and preparing the ground, 9 October 1992, where our house now stands.  I'm not sure but I think that is probably Michael watching his dad in the foreground.  

This shows Terry (farthest left), and Kirby, Shadd, and Tim hard at work lifting the outside playroom wall on the South end of the house.  

We were "coming home" one day to see the improvements and Terry welcomed us with a wave as he saw us coming down the road.  This makes me smile - so grateful I took these pictures.

Now, skipping forward a few years to the Spring of 1998, here Terry is finishing up the building of the cupola above the garage. The making of this house was an ongoing project for him.  Truth be told, he did most of what he did for me.

Terry continued improvements with the house and yard as often as he could.  In this next photo he is building a strawberry box in our back yard, June 2003.

He tried hard to make it a comfortable and fun place for us to raise a family.  Here he is, in May 2007, helping to create a bike run for the children.  (Cement guy, Terry, Thomas, Elders Johnson and Fraum)

Anthony enjoying the ride around the cured cement.

More work on the house, putting up the can lighting, September 2008.  Terry was a talented man and could do many things.  He was always wanting to learn and do more.  He would rather do it himself than hire someone else to do it - it being anything really.

Terry continued helping with the improvements, but sometimes, the last few years of his life, the work he did was supervising, letting others do most of the manual labor.  He would do as much as he could, but many times it was not as much as he would have liked.  Here we have Thomas, Skyler, Terry, and Connor building the deck in 2010.

Terry not only worked on the house and yard, but he also helped make our house a home and we share precious memories with him here.

Chase and Terry making popcorn while others colored eggs, Easter 2010, just before we left for the first transplant in Seattle.

We all have fun memories with Terry.  We enjoyed his company like these two grandson prove in this photo, taken August 2013, just before we left to Seattle for the second transplant.  (Ethan and Auger with their Grandpa Hebdon.)

I am forever grateful for the house we've made our home and the man who made it possible.  I don't know if we'll do much celebrating on the outside today, but I am celebrating on the inside.  Heavenly Father blessed me with almost 35 years of love from Terry and though I wish it could have lasted more than 35 years longer, I am eternally grateful for the beautiful years we did have together, in this home (a few months short of 23 years) and our first home (12 years).

Happy Birthday to our house ..., our home!

Perception

I share these things with a grateful heart and hope that you can receive them with that same feeling.

Once again I see things differently than before ...

I was preparing for my primary lesson this week and found a message HERE that spoke to me in a different way than it might have earlier in my life. I do not consider this good or bad, just different. It's one of those "line upon line" things or "had to be there" things. It's just the way it is now for me as my perception of things has been altered due to the changing conditions around me.

Our primary lesson is The Sermon on the Mount. (what a great sermon it was and continues to be)

The message that touched me is The Beatitudes: Pattern for Coming unto Christ, by Robert E. Wells (Dec. 1987)

2. Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.(Matt. 5:4.) Of all the Beatitudes, this one appears at first glance to be the most unusual and contradictory. How can it be a blessing to be in mourning? To mourn is to show grief or pain at the death of a loved one. This intense feeling cannot be hidden from the world or from God; it cannot be eased or pacified except with comfort and consolation from God through the Holy Ghost.

So why would the Savior say that it is a blessing to mourn? It may be that pain and suffering at the death of loved ones is an essential part of our mortal experience that obliges us to face the question of the reality of the spirit world and the hope of the Resurrection. It is through suffering that we discover what is eternally important.

It might be that it is a blessing for us to become more fully aware that God’s ways are not always our ways, and that we must trust him when things don’t go as we believe they should. When we can see the Lord’s purposes fulfilled in our sorrowful moments, the Holy Ghost can console us and the Atonement and Resurrection can become the cornerstones of our faith. Again, both the Joseph Smith Translation and the Book of Mormon accounts indicate that the mourner is truly blessed only if he comes unto Christ.

I have mourned before, for the loss of beloved family members, but never to the depth of what I mourn now. Experiencing the loss of my beloved husband and best friend ..., my everything, is the deepest sorrow I have ever felt.  My sorrow has been compounded because of things that have happened after Terry's passing, but there has not been one thing harder than that one loss and I expect that there will not be anything worse than it in my future.

However, every night when I retire to my bed I feel the most precious peace that I have ever felt before.  I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and that He is aware of me and that He is there for me.  I feel it and I love it.  It is tangible and it is awesome.   I know that this feeling comes from God because of a blessing given me earlier and I also recognize Terry's hand in it as well.  I know that he too desires for me to find some comfort and peace during this time of pain and suffering at the death of my loved one.

I am so grateful for these special blessings, tender mercies, small miracles - these times of comfort and consolation from God through the Holy Ghost - that come my way and I am so grateful for the promised eternal blessings that we all have to look forward to.

Sweetness!

35 years ago, on February 12th I was married to my eternal companion whom I love and cherish.  I am so grateful for that opportunity and I am so grateful for the good times we have shared together.  I truly have special moments that carry me through rough times and make living patiently and faithfully a desirable thing.  I am also grateful that I have been taught by goodly parents and church leaders and others that I can do hard things, because this is surely the hardest thing I've ever had to experience.

I heard something recently that touched me -

"A wife is heaven's last best gift"

To me, that was a pleasant thought and I hoped that Terry felt that way about me.  

I don't know where that quote really began so as I thought and pondered and searched it for a few minutes I was enlightened and thought I'd share - 

It is similar to, or a portion of this quote from Jeremy Taylor, found here;

"A good wife is heaven's last best gift to man; his angel and minister of graces innumerable; his gem of many virtues; his casket of jewels; her voice his sweet music; her smiles his brightest day; her kiss the guardian of his innocence; her arms the pale of his safety, the balm of his health, the balsam of his life; her industry, his surest wealth; her economy, his safest steward; her lips, his faithful counselors; her bosom, the softest pillow of his cares; and her prayers, the ablest advocates of heaven's blessings on his head."

I wondered about the word "last" being used and then found an invitation to consider Eve being created last and given to Adam, found here, where these words were shared;

Heaven's Last Best Gift. At first I thought Lord Crawford was just being flattering, but then realized the historical significance of his statement; Eve is the last creation ever mentioned. And if we do our best work when we have obtained the most practice and skill, then God's ultimate creation would indeed make woman, "Heaven's last best gift." 

What an interesting way to look at the creation and marriage.  

I will say that as Eve was given to Adam, Adam became her gift as well.  That is how I think of Terry - heaven's best gift to me.  Without that gift I would not have the wonderful children and grandchildren that are ours and that bring so much joy to our lives.    

Without that gift of wife to husband and husband to wife, I would not exist, because my parents wouldn't exist either.   What a wonderful blessing of marriage and family, and what makes it even better is the blessing of the gospel and the priesthood of God, making eternal marriage and families a reality if we live worthy of it.   

I am ever so grateful for that sweet fact of life ..., beyond death.

I am also grateful to the family and friends that helped make these last couple special holidays special for me this year as my sweetheart was elsewhere.   I won't start sharing names of those family and friends because I would most dislike neglecting to mention someone.  I do send thanks to you and to our Father above for helping me through rough days.

I will share one gift I received on Thursday.  I cannot say who it was because I do not know.  It was and continues to be a surprise.  However, I do know it involved a couple young children in dark clothing, running from my yard.  Your secret is safe, because I could not tell who you were, but if you or your family members are reading this - THANK YOU!   Did you know it was our anniversary that day or was it a Valentine?  Either way, it was an act of love that touched my heart in a very special way.

THANK YOU!

I thank each one of you for your tender kindness and for your prayers on our behalf.  

Our Weekend

We had a nice weekend!

Anthony, Connor, Chase and I went to Longview to see my parents.  It was a quick trip, but it was a good one (except for the part where we had to travel home in the rain in the dark for a couple hours - I don't see so well in those conditions and it makes me stress a bit more - so I was grateful to park the car and be home).

Our purpose for the trip was to get Anthony's patriarchal blessing.  My dad is a patriarch and has been able to give Chase, Connor, and Anthony their blessings.  BJo plans on it, but we have been unable to make that work as easily due to other obligations and responsibilities through the last couple years.  She is hoping to make it work on the 15th.

I planned on getting a photo of Anthony and my dad ...
How is it that I can think about that before and after we get there, but not while we are there?
I'll have to cheat and try to remember on our next trip.

I do have this photo from Connor's phone - taken at Stuffy's in Longview, where we had dinner - we love this food -

We did not know how much food that meal consisted of, but we know now.  That was just Chase's order.  He wasn't able to finish it.  Connor got the same thing in a different size, and he didn't finish his either.

My parents and Anthony and I got something different - we were all filled with yummy food. We really like the Stuff at Stuffys.


I have my camera ready now, so I can show you something else from this weekend visit -

My dad had been saving the posts about Terry's health that I published on our blog since our 2010 trip to Seattle for Terry's first transplant.  He had them printed and bound and presented me with this 300 page book while we were there.

So Awesome!  It was a surprise to me and I love it.  I have started reading through it and have enjoyed having it in chronological order and at my fingertips to flip through the pages and hold close at heart.  It can now sit on my shelf instead of having to get into the computer.  I love it!  (I think I already said that!)

I have re-read some of the quotes that I shared and I'm grateful that they are there to help strengthen me again.

One quote I shared on 25 April 2010 was from Elder Oaks, and is great to see today -

"Our families faith is in Jesus Christ and is not dependent on outcomes."

Wow!  Was that ever meant for us!   We must always remember that!  I took another look at the message that quote came from and as I re-read Elder Oaks talk I found some things that made my heart hurt and other things that made it grateful for such a faithful husband.

I had asked Terry a couple times the last couple months if he would like a new blessing and his response was always no.  The blessings he had previously been given were more than sufficient and he felt that if he kept getting blessings he would be lacking faith in what had already been given and even searching for a "better" blessing that would give the words we wanted to hear instead of accepting and trusting in what he already received.  We had to take what the Lord was sending us, and we had to do it in faith.  This quote used in Elder Oaks talk spoke of that -

“too frequent administrations may be an indication of lack of faith or of the ill one trying to pass the responsibility for faith development to the elders rather than self."

I really wasn't trying to pass the faith on to another, though I did always appreciate the faith of others added to ours.  I will admit that I was always wishing to hear that he would recover and live, but I also honestly just wanted him to feel some comfort and peace through all of this, and I always felt willing to accept the Lords will, but I wanted His will to be the same as mine.   Looking back now I think it must have been me - I was the one who needed the new blessing to give me some comfort and peace, because I know that Terry already had it.
I did get it one night after leaving Terry when he was in the hospital for those two and a half weeks in November, after hitting bottom so bad that I couldn't climb out on my own.  I am so grateful that I am a member of this true church and to have a righteous bishop with a selfless family who allow him to take time away from them to bless another with his priesthood authority, given him from God.   The priesthood is a wonderful blessing and worthy priesthood holders are valuable assets in our Heavenly Father's plan.  My husband was one of those assets.  My father is, and my 8 sons are.  I am grateful! In fact, when I think of the blessings I have received in my life, those given to me by my husband still stand as my most precious, no matter how wonderful the other blessings have been.  The Lord has blessed me!

There are a few more things I want to add from Elder Oaks talk.  I guess it's one of those days where I just keep going with my sermon.  ;)  It is beneficial to me, and I hope that others will appreciate it and learn from it too.  It is your choice to read the full post I write or not and I'm okay with what ever choice you make that way.

From Elder Oaks:

 "...the effect of the blessing is dependent upon faith and the Lord’s will..."

"...even the servants of the Lord, exercising His divine power in a circumstance where there is sufficient faith to be healed, cannot give a priesthood blessing that will cause a person to be healed if that healing is not the will of the Lord."

"We do all that we can for the healing of a loved one, and then we trust in the Lord for the outcome."

We certainly did all we could and that included trusting in the Lord for the outcome.  The outcome is really quite difficult, but my patriarchal blessing tells me that in the preexistence I had confidence in myself that I would meet the problems which would confront me here.  I find strength in knowing that, and that the Lord would have inspired the man who gave me my patriarchal blessing to include those words in it so that I could read them again and again to give me more strength and confidence in myself to travel through difficult times.

I think I have read our (mine and Terry's) patriarchal blessings probably 4 or 5 times now in the last couple months.  I keep wondering if I'll find something new - if it will "hit" me differently some time.
I guess it kinda did last night.  Along with the part in mine that I just shared, I found a couple paragraphs in Terry's that I read a bit differently than I had before.  I am appreciative of my new outlook on it and I am appreciative of the way Terry lived, so that he could realize those blessings, and so that I could witness them.

His spoke of his life being simply to prove to his Father in Heaven that he could keep His commandments and live according to the teachings of the gospel.  "That is the whole challenge!"  I know Terry did well with this, because of an experience I had one time that told me that Terry had passed his test and now it was my turn, (that story is included here) and because of the life I saw him live.

It also spoke of "the sweetest and most glorious moment of his life" -  going to the temple to be sealed for time and all eternity.  And, his blessing spoke of "...securing a companion who can go the whole course with you..."  That was me!  I did that!  I feel confident in the fact that I went the whole course with him, and I am still doing that!   I plan on being there for him when we meet again, no matter how many years that takes us.

There are more things I noticed and I'm sure there will be more another time I read them, but I am grateful for each little thing that comes each new day that helps lift and lighten my heart and soul.

I have re-read some of the experiences in the book my dad put together and I recall them all and am so grateful for every opportunity we had to be together and enjoy life like we did even during some not so pleasant experiences.  I have some awesome parents!  I love them!  I know they love me!

My dad ended the book with one addition from him and my mother -

"And so ends the Trial of Faith and Strength of one good man and leaves to a good woman a continued Trial of Faith and Strength."



Now with renewed faith and strength I'm going to keep on going so that one day I will be worthy of the blessings promised me and mine in every priesthood blessing given.

What an amazing Father in Heaven we have.  He has provided for us so many things that help us with every step of life.  I am grateful!

I am also grateful for my great support system.  Thank you ..., each and every one of you!

Oh Bother! I have started a PROJECT that doesn't end ...

I have spent the week cleaning and organizing and rearranging and moving things from one room to another.  As I look around I see that the house is even more cluttered and in need of attention.  Too many things are in limbo waiting for the proper place to put them, and every room is stuffed with stuff that needs moved.  I started one of those projects that has a domino effect and it's going to be a long process.

Good news:
My Christmas decor (including the trees) is all taken down and put away.
All of my holiday decor is now stored away - everything tight and comfy in it's new spot.

Bad news:
I miss the lights.

So,
Good news:
I moved the lamp Terry made in high school into the entrance hall - I leave the light on to replace the light from the trees.  I like it!  I haven't decorated that room yet, (and I need to dust that lamp) but at least the lamp is there ..., and on - spreading light through my life, day and night.

Putting the Christmas decor away allowed me to put things back in the family room.  That took me a long time but I really enjoyed filling my shelves with those precious things - things of no monetary value, but things that are close to my heart and bring back memories of people and places and love - memories of life.   I'm preserving memories with those precious things.

Elaine's precious things on the left, Terry's precious things on the right.

Everything in these shelves has a story, a reason for being precious to me - each item is part of life before and after I met Terry.  I am so grateful for my life and those people, places, and things that have filled it to this point.  I will continue to try and make the best of the rest of my life.

I'm off to keep cleaning and organizing!  Spring cleaning a bit early this year and it looks like it's going to take me several months, through Summer and Fall.   It's exhausting, but it is also rewarding.   I haven't done this deep of cleaning throughout the house in a long time.   Looking forward to good things ahead.