A Sunday Lesson

I was studying in The Gospel Principles book today and found that, once again, the things I have been taught my whole life affect me in a different way now.  I don't know if they take on new meaning, but there is something new about it.  My heart and mind seem to focus toward things pertaining to Terry and our eternal relationship more than ever before, even though it was something I thought about before, I believed before, and was grateful for before. There is something different with it all now.  

This post could have been put in my To Remind Me blog, but because it is about Terry I wanted it here.  (I've wondered about putting those two blogs together - I just did add a few posts from that blog and each is post dated to the time I had originally posted in that other blog, each under the label To Remind Me.) 

I have chosen to share the quote from the book (in bold) and then the thoughts that came to me about that quote.

"Our Father in Heaven knows who we are and ... He has chosen the time and place for each of us to be born so we can learn the lessons we personally need and do the most good with our individual talents and personalities."

I know that it is our Father's plan that Terry's life on earth was at the time it was and for only the time it was.  I don't understand why it was as short a time as it was, but I do know it was the Lord's will.  I am grateful that we met and married and lived and loved each other for almost 35 years in happiness and joy with a family that is eternal. Terry has done much good - he has helped and taught me and has been a great blessing in my life. I will remember his words of encouragement, counsel, and truth, and it will guide me for the rest of my life. We often talked about how grateful we were that we had found each other and how it always felt so right.  That is still true.

"[Our Heavenly Father] wanted us to develop the godlike qualities that He has."

As I read this I immediately thought of the talk Gregory gave at Terry's funeral (see the post Christlike Characteristics).  I have some work to do on that part of my life.  I am so grateful for the qualities that Terry had developed and how they blessed my life.

"If we passed our tests, we would receive the fulness of joy that our Heavenly Father has received."

Thoughts that came to me as I read this were about an experience I had while Terry was in the hospital. 

I was frustrated, scared, disappointed, and desirous of a miracle. We had just studied about Job in our primary class so that scripture story was fresh on my mind.  I was comparing all of Jobs trials to Terry's trials - the new pains and infections that were tormenting his body seemed to be coming faster and harder ..., and he was being strong and faithful through them all so why were there so many.   I was having a "conversation with the Lord" about this fact and how Terry had not "charged God foolishly" nor had he or would he "curse God and die". With everything that has been thrown at him Terry "held fast his integrity".   

I continued with more complaints (I guess that is the best word to fit what I was doing) and I guess I was trying to convince the Lord that He could heal Terry and allow him to live with us on earth in good health for a long long time still and that Terry would serve Him well in whatever capacity He would require of him during that future life.  

As I was comparing Terry to Job and sharing all of this with the Lord I told the Lord that Job didn't loose his life, so why should Terry have to?  It was then that these words came to me clear and strong, yet ever so soft and reverent - "Terry has passed his test, now it is my turn" - Oh my goodness ..., I was Job.  I am the one that will loose my beloved family member and therefore possibly tempted to curse God and die - will I stand firm and faithful?  

I promised that very moment that I would.  I told the Lord that He could trust me to do so, and He knows that, so could He please remove this trial from me and allow a miracle to take place.  Well, we know that was one prayer that was not answered in the affirmative. I really wish I didn't have to prove myself in this way.  

Even with all of this sorrow I really do promise to "hold fast my integrity" and stand firm and faithful, enduring to the end, trusting the Lord.  That is the only way that our eternal marriage will remain in effect, and I want those blessings more than anything else.

  

"The purpose of our progression: to have a fulness of joy."  

Before we came to earth we learned that all of us would have trials in our lives: sickness, disappointment, pain, sorrow, and death.  (For me these seemed to come all at once.)  But we understood that these would be given to us for our experience and our good.  If we allowed them to, these trials would purify us rather than defeat us.  They would teach us to have endurance, patience, and charity.

I have a lot to learn!  Some day I want to have that fulness of joy. 

Christ-like Characteristics

This is the talk given by Gregory at Terry's funeral (of course things may have been said slightly different when he actually gave it, but these were his thoughts when he wrote it) -

Life - What is its purpose?  Are we a coincidental evolution following a strange growth in a scum pond or a reaction from a serendipitous cosmic collision?

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we are taught, following a Christian tradition, that we existed as spirits before our mortal birth.  We come to earth in a probationary state.  We are given commandments and agency.  Our decisions to follow commandments bring us blessings, and our rebellions cause negative consequences and heartache.

It is our duty to try to become better people, and earn a place in Heaven with a loving God.

How are we supposed to learn these things?  How can we grow?  God gave us tools.  We have scriptures, prophets, a conscience or the Holy Ghost, a Savior who provided a perfect example for us, and one other gift.  God gave us fathers.  It is one thing to read about a person, and another to live with and interact with someone; to be able to watch them as you grow up.

We on the Royal Slope, and especially Terry and Elaine’s children have had a wonderful example to look to and strive to emulate.  He provided a great example-though not perfect as our Savior’s.  I don’t want to sound blasphemous-but an example of how a mortal man can work to become more like Christ.  After all, my Dad is my Hero.  In the LDS church we call these characteristics Christ-like attributes. 

The manual called Preach My Gospel has a list of Christ-like attributes.  I would like to put a twist on them, add some others, and submit to you my version of Dad-like attributes.

The manual starts off with the ever important trait of faith in Jesus Christ.  The poem written by Dad included on the bulletin shows that he absolutely did have faith in our Savior.

Next is hope.  Dad never gave in to despair as he digressed in his fight against cancer.  He kept a good attitude when things looked so bleak.  He hoped for a positive outcome in this life, and if he couldn't get that, then a better state in the world beyond.

Then we find charity and love.  I think of a winter when a family on the slope lost their home to a fire, and Dad gathered us to explain that he wanted our consent to fore-go some Christmas gifts and donate some money to this family after their great loss.  We didn't have much but we had enough to help someone in need.  Dad also had a tender way of lifting up the homeless on the streets, sometimes with food or money, and if that wasn't available he would offer a friendly conversation to cheer someone up.  He also made many visits to friends and neighbors in times of sorrow or need.  And now in our time of sorrow we have had many people reciprocate that demonstration of love and compassion, and we thank you all for that.

Virtue follows; and when I think of Dad I think of Honor.  He didn't have a church self and a farm self and a different personality for different situations.  What you saw was who he was.  If he said he would do something, he would do it.  I would liken it to dignity, which was very important to Dad. 

Next is knowledge.  Many of you might not know this but Dad used to read the dictionary.  He would read papers, books, magazines, anything to increase his knowledge.  In school he had near perfect attendance.  Mom has some report cards showing that Dad missed one day of school in four years.  He also urged us to continue our education beyond high school, and made it a priority of his to help us get through it financially as he was not able to do on his own, due to his duties here.  Much of his knowledge and mental capacity is showcased in his poems over the years, always written for the benefit of others and not for his own gain.

Now in the spirit of honesty, I will not gloss over the next attribute.  When Dad asked me to speak at his funeral he told me to tell the truth.  Patience is possibly the one that gave him the most trouble.  Especially in the eyes of our family it seemed like he had more patience with others than with us.  But I don’t hold a grudge about it.  I am glad for what it taught me.  Dad always expected a lot out of us, but only because he knew our potential and wanted us to stretch and reach it.  He would not settle for a part time attitude or less than our best.  Now, continuing with truth, he gained much more patience as he dealt with his trial of cancer.  Anger pretty much vanished. 

That leads to humility.  Dad had an often quiet strength.  He never aspired to positions of high rank or recognition.  He felt that he was not good enough to have them, while many others would have gladly recommended him.  He esteemed himself much lower than the high regard that the rest of us hold for him.  He was also mistreated occasionally in deals with business associates and others which hurt him both financially and emotionally, but he remained polite to them and did not hold a grudge with anyone, no matter what had happened.

Dad was diligent.  He would not give up no matter the difficulty of the task, and rarely complained.

Obedience follows. . . Do you see what I did there?  Dad always enjoyed a pun.  He accepted every assignment given to him at church, even when he didn't feel like he was prepared, or the best one for the job, or even when it put him in danger.  He was asked to be the early morning seminary teacher, and it caused a great deal of strain on his body, but he didn't worry about his health.  He focused on obeying, and helping those youth.  And more than a couple of those kids will tell you that he left a lasting impression in their lives for the better.

Dad always showed a willingness to serve others.  From helping people move, to plowing snow, to many other things, he wanted to help others when he could, and looked for opportunities.  When he was young he was often found pushing the wheel chair for his friend Cruz.  He wanted to help, and didn't want Cruz to miss out.  He was very considerate of the needs of others.  That was another thing that he tried to instill in us.  He tried to help us learn to think of how our choices affected others and act accordingly.  He often asked us to spell considerate, and define it for him so that it would be ingrained in our minds.

He had a positive attitude.  He found joy in life, even small things like stacking the last load of hay for the cutting.  He had a sense of humor.  He enjoyed sharing a chuckle with someone or giving them a reason to smile.  He didn't share the loud jokes like, “a rabbi, a cardinal and a Mormon bishop walk into a bar,” type, but a clever response or a play on words.  He liked to make people happy.

Now, for me, comes the crowning piece, the traits that I think he most fully embodied.  Dad believed in industry, and provident living.  He was not afraid of hard work, but actually enjoyed it.  He lived frugally, not wasting any money on his own desires but spent all of his energy providing for his family.  I do not know of a time that our needs were not met.  Even if it meant that he slept for only two hours a night, and ate only one meal a day, he made sure that we were fed and healthy.  We know him lovingly as “Terry Tough.”  He attacked any weakness in himself like a lion.  He saved tenaciously and prepared for the future.  And now as he has lost his ability to work and earn more money to support his family, his preparation will continue to provide for his wife and family.

And so I say as the prophet Nephi said in the Book of Mormon, “I, Gregory, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father . . . having had a great knowledge of the goodness and mysteries of God.”  He taught us in words, but more importantly he taught us by his actions.

The morning after Dad passed away Thomas and I expressed our sorrow that our kids, his grandchildren, wouldn't have their grandpa around as they grew up.  All that they would miss from not interacting with this great man tore us apart.

I submit to all today that it is our duty to carry on that legacy.  We who are his sons, as well as all others who admire him are asked to strive to develop those attributes that we have respected and admired.

Elder M. Russell Ballard said that a “father sees in a son a promising future and a better, improved version of himself.”  I don’t feel like I will ever reach the standard he set, but I recommit today, to step up and do my best to fill those shoes as much as I can.  And I think that is all Dad and our Heavenly Father, the two now being together, would want from any of us:  Our Best.