There have been so many times I have read something in my seminary lessons that has blessed my life, lifted my soul, and helped me to see the goodness of God ... over and over again.

I love being reminded of these spiritual truths and decided to put them somewhere to help me more easily find them again.  So I add them here To Remind Me!




Richard G. Scott:
"Don't look for a life virtually free from discomfort, pain, pressure, challenge, or grief, for those are the tools of a loving Father uses to stimulate our personal growth and understanding."




Orson F. Whitney:
"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted.  It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility.   All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God .. and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven."




Video message: The Will of God

A Tender Mercy

To Remind Me:
I love this message from my seminary study last night and so want to remember it.
It's one more time when something speaks to me in a very personal way. Especially the last paragraph.  I didn't actually read my name in place of Abraham when I was studying it, but the feeling was the same as if I had, and quite intense.

Successfully Failing: Pursuing Our Quest for Perfection

While studying for seminary I found this message from Kevin J Worthen, titled Successfully Failing: Pursuing Our Quest for Perfection.   I post it here to remind me of this great talk (given to BYU students in January 2015).


I hesitated to post any of his message here, because it is surely best in its entirety.  Realizing that much will be left out, I do add a few sentences and paragraphs that did stand out to me at the time I first read them.

So, TO REMIND ME, and to inspire me to return to the full message on occasion (because reading between the lines on this page will add so much more inspiration):

... how we respond when we fail will ultimately determine how well we will succeed ...

... learn how to fail successfully ...

This earth, the setting for our mortal existence, was created so that we could “prove” ourselves. But I believe we may not appreciate the full meaning of the word prove in that scripture. In everyday usage the word prove means to demonstrate something that already exists.⁹ Thus we take final exams to prove what we already know about the material we have been studying that semester. But the Oxford English Dictionary provides an additional meaning for the word prove. It indicates that prove also means “to find out, learn, or know by experience.”¹⁰

I believe the opportunity we have to prove ourselves in this life was not designed to allow us to demonstrate to God how obedient we already were before we came to earth. He, and we, already knew that. God formed this earth and gave us this mortal existence so that we could “prove” ourselves in the other sense of that word—so that we could “find out, learn, or know by experience” truths that we did not already know and that we could not learn in any other way.

We always think of failure as the antithesis of success, but it isn’t. Success often lies just the other side of failure.¹¹

... Nephi when he was given the assignment to obtain the brass plates from Laban. As we know, his first two efforts failed, but he persisted and ultimately succeeded. In the process he discovered the power of being “led by the Spirit,” ¹³ a critical lesson that he may not have learned if the first effort to persuade Laban to release the plates had been successful. Nephi’s life was forever changed in a positive way because he failed twice—and, more important, because of the way he responded to those failures.

Thus failing is a critical component of our eternal progress—our quest for perfection. And because of the Atonement we can—if we respond to failures in the right way—be blessed with a new kind of learning that allows our failures to become part of the perfecting process. As Elder Bruce C. Hafen has explained, the beauty of the gospel is that “because of the Atonement, we can learn from our mistakes without being condemned by them.”¹⁴ What a wonderful blessing that absolutely marvelous and indispensable portion of the plan of salvation provides to each of us, if we will but take advantage of it.

This does not mean that we should try to fail as often as we can. “Not all failures are created equal.”¹⁵ 

Finally, we can be assured that however we have failed, it can, from an eternal perspective, be changed. The Atonement is that powerful and that comprehensive. As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland put it:

If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort. If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope. . . . If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended.28

Because of the Atonement, all failures are changeable and temporary, except the one that occurs when we give up. So whatever you do, don’t you dare give up.

What I am suggesting is not simply an affirmation of the power of positive thinking; it is a recognition of the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ—the perspective it gives us, the truths it provides, and “the infinite virtue of [Christ’s] atoning sacrifice”29 that is available to us all. Yes, I am asking you to trust yourself more, but, more important, I am asking you to trust God. I urge you—in your moments of doubt and despair, in the times when you think you have failed and you think you can’t make it right—to focus more on Him and less on yourselves.

God is as good, as powerful, as loving, as patient, and as consistent as He says He is. If we will but focus on the eternal truths He has made available to us, both through institutional revelation and through personal promptings and reassurances, He will turn all our failures into successes. I bear my witness that He lives and loves us with a love we cannot comprehend. He gave His Son so that we might move forward in our quest for perfection with full confidence and assurance that we will succeed despite our failures.

(As a side note: my study continued and Elder Dale G. Renlund's message given in April 2015 General Conference goes well with Brother Worthen's talk above.)

To Remind Me Notes from What's on the Other Side?

Notes I wrote on my book mark while reading the book What's on the Other Side? by Brent L. Top

The gospel teaches us that the most important learning is acquired through spiritual means.  (p13)

On the other side of the veil, there are perhaps seventy billion people.  They need the same gospel, and releases occur here to aid the Lord's work there.  Each release of a righteous individual from this life is also a call to new labors.  Those who have true hope understand this.  Therefore, though we miss the departed righteous so much here, hundreds may feel their touch there.  In God's ecology, talent and love are never wasted .... A mortal life may need to be 'shortened' by twenty years as we might view - but if so, it may be done in order for  special services to be rendered by that individual in the spirit world, services that will benefit thousands of new neighbors. (Neal A Maxwell, p33+)


Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ my "life  review" can be modified to feature the new me instead of the old one.  The sins I have repented of will be forgotten / not remembered.

Love is the answer for everything.

Every day, every moment I am writing my own eulogy. (p72)

Living day by day means doing everything each day with an eternal perspective. (p74)

To Remind Me Notes from Choose Higher Ground

All quotes in this post come from the book Choose Higher Ground by Henry B. Eyring.
(Keep in mind that I did not read the complete book.  I wasn't feeling up to it at the time, but did read parts of it, including all of  the highlights.  I am transferring the notes I wrote on my page marker onto this post.)

highlight area on p115

"The thought 'Someday I will' can be a thief of the opportunities of time and the blessings of eternity." (p3)

"The spirit who led the rebellion in the world before still opposes the plan and wants you to be miserable.  He wants you never to find your way home again.  That enemy of your soul knows you and your goodness. He know that if he can turn you away from walking in the light, he can both capture you and stop you from helping others along the journey."  (p30)

"Because you are so valuable, some of your trials may be severe.  You need never be discouraged or afraid.  The way through difficulties has always been prepared for you, and you will find it if you exercise faith." (p33)

"By the Spirit of Christ and by the Holy Ghost, you may walk confidently in whatever difficulties come." (p33)

"The great test of life is to see whether we will hearken to and obey God's commands in the midst of the storms of life.  It is not to endure storms, but to choose the right while they rage." (p35)

"He will give us no test without preparing the way for us to pass it." (p64)

"The very opportunity for us to face adversity and affliction is part of the evidence of Their infinite love.  ...Then our spirits will be changed.  We will become able to want what God wants, to think as He thinks, and thus be prepared for the trust of an endless posterity to teach and to lead though tests to be raised up to qualify to live forever in eternal life." (96)

"...the disciple who accepts a trial as an invitation to grow and therefore qualify for eternal life can find peace in the midst of the struggle." (p97)

"The Lord always suits the relief to the person in need to best strengthen and purify him or her.  Often it will come in the inspiration to do what might seem especially hard for the person who needs help himself." (p99)

"He set a course for each of us that can polish and perfect us to be with Him." (p101)

"Trials are necessary for us to be shaped and made fit to receive that happiness that comes as we qualify for the greatest of all the gifts of God." (p115)

"The tests we face, their severity, their timing, and their duration will be unique for each of us.  Two things will be the same for all of us.  1. The tests at times will stretch us enough for us to feel the need for help beyond our own, and 2. God in His kindness and wisdom has made the power of deliverance available to us." (p115)

"Through His experience the Savior came to know all our grief.  He could have known them by the inspiration of the Spirit.  But He chose instead to know by experiencing them for Himself." (p117)

"We can determine to rise up and pray in great faith and humility." (p122)

"You can and must go forward with confidence.  If you start determined to qualify for God's power of deliverance in all the trials of mortality, you will succeed.  You will be strengthened.  You will be guided around and through barriers.  Help and comfort will come.  Your faith in Heavenly Father and the Savior will be increased.  You will be strengthened to resist evil.  And you will feel the gospel of Jesus Christ working in your life." (p123)

"Your experience in enduring well in the trials of life by drawing on God's power of deliverance can bring you the assurance you need to find peace in this life an confidence for the next." (p124)

"The power of the Holy Ghost is real.  It will come, again and again.  And one overriding truth it will always testify to us that Jesus is the Christ.  That testimony will draw us to the Savior and to accepting the help He offers to all who are being tested in the crucible of mortality." (p129)

"Let us do whatever is required to qualify for the Holy Ghost as our companion, and then let us go forward fearlessly so that we will be given powers to do whatever the Lord calls us to do." (p144)

"I urge all of us, young and old, who are called to speak in a meeting in the name of the Lord to dismiss our feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy.  We don't have to use soaring language or convey deep insights.  Simple words of testimony will do."  (p149)

"...give your best effort and your whole heart.  Do it cheerfully and with the prayer of faith.  Your efforts will be magnified in the lives of the people you serve." (p158)

"The Lord knew the trials we would face.  By faithful service and through His Atonement, we can come to want what He wants and be what we must be to bless those we serve for Him." (p166)

"If you are on the right path, it will always be uphill." (p237)

"Only a steady, ever increasing effort will allow the Lord to take us to higher ground."  (p244)

Message of Inspiration

I'm still cleaning and organizing, and finding things that inspire.

"Christ is the only beacon on which we can ultimately rely."

"Success is a journey, not a destination."

The Continuous Atonement

As I have mentioned before, reading has been a difficult thing for me to do after Terry passed away. It was just like coming out of anesthesia and not being able to concentrate - strange feeling, and unexpected.   I kept trying to read a few things but always gave up.

Yesterday I picked up one book that I had previously started (but put down due to the fact that I wasn't getting anything out of it).  I really wanted to learn from it so I waited until I could focus on it. When I tried again last night I was pleased to find that I could read it and understand it.  I read for a few hours (with a few breaks talking to the boys) until my mind stopped accepting anymore words, but I was pleased at the progress and enjoyed what I read.

The Continuous Atonement by Brad Wilcox has now become a favorite of mine.  I don't read very often, and it takes a special book to make me want to read.  This was one of them.  BrittanyJo read it for a class assignment last fall and loved it, so I purchased a copy for me (I like to underline things as I read) but it took me this long to get into it.

One of my favorite books in the late 90's was Within Reach by Robert L. Millet.   Those two books will remain my favorites.  The Peacegiver by James L. Farrell was a good book too, and A Quiet Heart by Patricia T. Holland, and there were others that I have enjoyed.  Today though, I am very grateful for The Continuous Atonement - the book and the Atonement itself.

It is a perfect time of year to read it if you are looking for something good to read and haven't read it yet (or want to re-read it).  I underlined many things in the book so I could refer to them again as needed, but I wanted to post a few here too.  I hope I can choose the most appropriate and not over do it.  I don't want to re-write or copy the book here, but there are several things that have touched my heart that I want to remember.  I have added a few visuals to help break up the read.

image from here

"Christ's Atonement is at the very core of God's plan.  Without His dear, dear sacrifice, there would be no way home, no way to be together, no way to be like Him." (Bruce C. Hafen)


"... without us, those blessed emblems merely sit in trays.  

image from here

We must pick them up and put them inside.  We must internalize Jesus' offering.  That's how we thank Jesus for all He has done - by accepting His love, remembering His sacrifice, and applying His teachings and Atonement in our lives.  Christ's gifts are freely given, but they must also be freely received."



"Where there is great love and attachment, there is great risk of pain."  


"The Fall was designed - complete with all the accompanying misery and pain - to ultimately bring us freedom and happiness."

"The gospel of Jesus Christ was not given to prevent our pain.  The gospel was given us to heal our pain."  (Marie K. Hafen)



Atonement means "to cover".  "Jesus covers us when we feel lost and discouraged.... He doesn't always clear the path, but He does illuminate it.  Along with being the light, He also lightens our loads...  He doesn't always take burdens away from us, but He strengthens us for the task of carrying them and promises they will be for our good."  (And He keeps His promises!)

image from here

In Arabic or Aramic the verb meaning to atone is kafat, which means "to embrace."  "Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love." D&C 6:20.



"The Atonement is not just about paying debts but about transforming debtors."

"Jesus chose to become like us so that we can choose to become like Him."

"God is pleased with every effort we make."

"Christ is not waiting at the finish line; He is finishing our faith.  Grace is not the prize at the end of the climb.  It is the enabling power throughout."

image from here

"The Lord helps us to help ourselves."

"Christ's requirements are not so that we can make the best of the Atonement, but so that - on His generous terms - the Atonement can make the best of us."


I am not prepared for Easter weekend in the temporal or material sense so I'm glad to have a few more days, but I am very ready for it spiritually.

I am looking forward to hearing more great things at our General Conference - 4th and 5th of April.  How to View Live
What a perfect time to fill our souls with words of God, from God, through His servants.

Love Living Your Religion

In my gospel study this morning I found a message from David A. Bednar to the BYU-I graduates from August 2002.  It was a short and simple, but profound message that I love. I share part of it in this post, to remind me.

Let me also suggest that we must not only live our religion, but we must love living our religion. Adherence to gospel principles and obedience to God's commandments are not drudgery we must somehow suffer through during mortality. Rather, gospel truth and obedience to eternal law are the very source and the very cause of true happiness. As the Prophet Joseph Smith plainly taught:

Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God. But we cannot keep all the commandments without first knowing them, and we cannot expect to know all, or more than we now know unless we comply with or keep those we have already received. (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, Section Five, 1842-43, p. 255)

And as King Benjamin counseled his people in Mosiah 2:41:

And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it.

CLOUD AND SUNSHINE

First, the Fun Stuff -
BJo came home Wednesday night and was here until Sunday morning.  It was good to have her home.  We all needed it.

There is more that I must write, and you are welcome to continue reading, but feel free to get up and do something else at anytime during this post - it won't hurt my feelings ..., I promise I will never know. ;)
My reasons for writing it are personal and it is rather long, but please know that I am doing well. There is sunshine in my soul today.

Last week started as an emotional week for me.  I am having a hard time just doing the everyday tasks knowing that I can do them and that there is no worry about what Terry might need of me.  All of the things I thought I would do to keep me busy are difficult because they trigger such emotion.

I haven't done much yard work because it is screams at me, telling me that my husband is not here with me.  I don't go to activities because it screams at me that my husband is not here.  I still do most of my shopping online instead of going to town because when I go somewhere it screams at me that my husband is not here.
My pain comes from knowing that I have no husband to worry about at home or in the car or in the clinic or even beside me. I would much rather worry about my husband and be with him than without, so it is a hard tug on my heart.  Having someone else with me doesn't ease that pain and sometimes it even makes it harder.  I never really did anything with a "girlfriend" so doing so now is not a comfort, it screams at me that my husband is not here.  I'm a difficult case! (I suppose I always have been - one thing I have always known is that I am different in many ways.)

For many others, their pain stems from being home without their spouse, and though that is difficult too, I love being home where I can feel his love.  I know he is not here, but he is here more than he is elsewhere. (That probably only makes sense to me, and if I could use my words more appropriately I would be able to help others understand what I really mean.)  I have always loved being home so it's all good.

I have been working inside the house - causing much clutter and confusion, and it's been a good thing.  I am rearranging and sorting and purging things.   I am okay!  I'm Fine!   Really I am - I deleted all the previous posts this week just because I wanted to prove that I am fine and so that no one would know my "secrets" and sorrows, but I keep feeling that I should post them so that I can remind myself, so that I can let it out, and so that someone else who reads this someday might find it helpful.  I have read a few posts from others that I find helpful, so maybe I can pay it forward.

I think the beauty of spring time is part of my pain.  I see the daffodils and blossoms on the trees and it is joyful and beautiful.  I am still having a hard time allowing joyful times to permeate my soul because of the sadness that dwells there.  I'm not worried about it yet because past experience lets me know that this is normal and time will allow those joyful moments to surface and remain for longer periods of time.  This particular challenge will just take a little longer for me to get to that point.  So please forgive me if I do not attend something that is special to you, please forgive me if I have an emotional time during a conversation, and please bear with me as I work through this difficulty in my own way, even if you think I should be doing something different.

For now I will keep trying and take it one step at the time.  I'll continue trying to turn the stumbling blocks into stepping stones and make it safely down this straight and narrow path back to our Father and the loved ones who await our return.

We have been given so much to help us down that path.  The RS suggested reading for Week 4 has been a help for me, though each article brought more tears as I listened to or read them.  I wanted to post about a few of those, but as I mentioned earlier, I deleted them instead of publishing them.

Then yesterday as I was studying for my primary lesson I found something else and decided that I had better follow through and write a post - get the job done and hope it turns out better than I think.

In one of the resources I studied I found an invitation to read Habakkuk's prayer -

Habakkuk 3 contains a prayer, written in Hebrew poetry, in which Habakkuk bore testimony of the power and goodness of God and his own personal commitment to follow the Lord even in his people’s difficult times.

Habakkuk is a hard read, but it talks of trials and hardships and the strength that can come even with those difficult times.
18 Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.

It reminds me of what I have known for many years:
19 The Lord God is my strength,

This invitation came with a challenge to  write your own brief statement that expresses your commitment to follow the Lord.   It helped me remember that I do most assuredly feel a commitment to follow the Lord. It is that commitment that helps me continue on each step of the way.

The RS messages for Week 4 had been a perfect prelude to my Sunday study - I know that my Savior lives and loves me.  I know that my Heavenly Father is there for me and that I must remain close to Him.

Communication with our Father in Heaven—including our prayers to Him and His inspiration to us—is necessary in order for us to weather the storms and trials of life.
(President Monson)


I know that I must

Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith.  
(President Monson)


I know that this promise applies to me -

“I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.” ⁶
(President Monson - I know this message was about a different topic, but this scripture still applies to me in my difficult times right now.)


Our Heavenly Father … knows that we learn and grow and become stronger as we face and survive the trials through which we must pass.

The difficulties which come to us present us with the real test of our ability to endure.

Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in, also knows that we learn and grow and become stronger as we face and survive the trials through which we must pass. We know that there are times when we will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were—better than we were, more understanding than we were, more empathetic than we were, with stronger testimonies than we had before.

This should be our purpose—to persevere and endure, yes, but also to become more spiritually refined as we make our way through sunshine and sorrow. Were it not for challenges to overcome and problems to solve, we would remain much as we are, with little or no progress toward our goal of eternal life. 

(President Monson)


One of my greatest desires is that the Lord Abide with Me.

As I was listening to this one (a couple days late) I glanced out the window, through tears, and saw the sky with cloud and sunshine and I knew that was another message meant just for me.  There will be times of both cloud and sunshine even at the same moment, but the good news is that the sunshine will break through the cloud if we let it and invite it..., Invite Him in!  

I didn't feel like taking a photo of the image I saw out the window so I borrowed this image from here

Okay, one more thing for this long post -
BJo and I were listening to a beautiful David Archuleta song, GLORIOUS.  She asked me something and because of the tears I could not respond.  So I left the music playing and visited with her.  It really was an emotional visit for both of us.  Different songs kept playing in the background as we talked, but we didn't pay much attention to them.  I was beginning to feel like I needed to control my emotions a bit more, but it seemed to be too hard.  I took a deep breath and then heard another song come on in the background.
It's The Hard Knock Life performed by Jenny Oaks Baker
That very instant the tears were overcome by laughter.  It wasn't easy to sense the laughter through the tears, but it was definitely laughter.  Funny thing is - that song and the movie it comes from (Annie) kind of irritate me, but for some strange reason it broke through my cloud and BJo and I were both laughing with each other instead of crying with each other.

I credit that change of heart to the Lord - He is watching over us at every moment and when we need Him most He will send the sunshine.  

Sorry for the lengthy post.  If I would just publish them as I write them, instead of deleting them and starting over I would have smaller posts that might be easier to read.  I am certainly in a learning process and sometimes it takes me several attempts to learn a simple principle.  Once again I ask for your forgiveness and understanding, and I wish for you today, sunshine in your soul.  Glorious Sunshine!

Perception

I share these things with a grateful heart and hope that you can receive them with that same feeling.

Once again I see things differently than before ...

I was preparing for my primary lesson this week and found a message HERE that spoke to me in a different way than it might have earlier in my life. I do not consider this good or bad, just different. It's one of those "line upon line" things or "had to be there" things. It's just the way it is now for me as my perception of things has been altered due to the changing conditions around me.

Our primary lesson is The Sermon on the Mount. (what a great sermon it was and continues to be)

The message that touched me is The Beatitudes: Pattern for Coming unto Christ, by Robert E. Wells (Dec. 1987)

2. Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.(Matt. 5:4.) Of all the Beatitudes, this one appears at first glance to be the most unusual and contradictory. How can it be a blessing to be in mourning? To mourn is to show grief or pain at the death of a loved one. This intense feeling cannot be hidden from the world or from God; it cannot be eased or pacified except with comfort and consolation from God through the Holy Ghost.

So why would the Savior say that it is a blessing to mourn? It may be that pain and suffering at the death of loved ones is an essential part of our mortal experience that obliges us to face the question of the reality of the spirit world and the hope of the Resurrection. It is through suffering that we discover what is eternally important.

It might be that it is a blessing for us to become more fully aware that God’s ways are not always our ways, and that we must trust him when things don’t go as we believe they should. When we can see the Lord’s purposes fulfilled in our sorrowful moments, the Holy Ghost can console us and the Atonement and Resurrection can become the cornerstones of our faith. Again, both the Joseph Smith Translation and the Book of Mormon accounts indicate that the mourner is truly blessed only if he comes unto Christ.

I have mourned before, for the loss of beloved family members, but never to the depth of what I mourn now. Experiencing the loss of my beloved husband and best friend ..., my everything, is the deepest sorrow I have ever felt.  My sorrow has been compounded because of things that have happened after Terry's passing, but there has not been one thing harder than that one loss and I expect that there will not be anything worse than it in my future.

However, every night when I retire to my bed I feel the most precious peace that I have ever felt before.  I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and that He is aware of me and that He is there for me.  I feel it and I love it.  It is tangible and it is awesome.   I know that this feeling comes from God because of a blessing given me earlier and I also recognize Terry's hand in it as well.  I know that he too desires for me to find some comfort and peace during this time of pain and suffering at the death of my loved one.

I am so grateful for these special blessings, tender mercies, small miracles - these times of comfort and consolation from God through the Holy Ghost - that come my way and I am so grateful for the promised eternal blessings that we all have to look forward to.

Just a thought as I was reading something earlier (and I want to remember):

Take a deep breath and step forward.  Repeat as necessary.

Even if those steps are baby steps.  :)

I do have to do this on occasion ..., several occasions actually, but what really helps is the prayer in my heart ... at all times ... and especially just before I step forward - or even as I am stepping forward.

This Morning's Reading

My thoughts were rolling  as we read during our family scripture and prayer this morning.  I spent some personal time afterward reading the footnotes and doing some more study and pondering on the subject.  I love the scriptures.  They are the word of God.  As I was studying I felt the desire to post my thoughts, so here is my attempt to do so.

One must remember that there is so much more in my mind and heart than what I can say in writing, so much of what I felt can not be expressed as clearly as how I felt them, but I put it in writing to remind me at some future time in my life when I might need it most.   I hope to remember the peace and comfort that accompanied my reading and that accompanies my every moment in life.  I do know that others read my blog and I hope that everyone who reads my writings might find them somehow uplifting to their souls.  I wish to testify of the love and peace I feel from Christ, our Friend and Savior.  I am so grateful for the blessings that come from knowing Him, and from learning of and living His Gospel.

from here

I don't mean to compare myself or Terry to the Savior, but only to compare this sentence in Mosiah 15:7 

"... the will of the Son being swallowed up in the will of the Father."

For months, even years, we have been praying much like Christ did; 

"Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless, not my will, but thine, be done."  Luke 22:42   

Again, I wish to clarify that I do not compare to Christ, but only to the words in that sentence.   We prayed, over and over again, that Terry's illness be removed from him, truly believing that it could and would be, but always trying to accept the Father's will.   

I have accepted the will of the Father many times in my life previous to now, but none seem so difficult as accepting the will of the Father in taking my husband from me for the rest of my life on earth.   I truly do feel swallowed up in it, and I am so grateful to know that it is the Father's will.  Our Heavenly Father has taken Terry, leaving me alone (alone, in this case, means without my husband on earth) but He has not left me without comfort ..., I know I am not completely alone, and I haven't enough words to express how grateful I truly feel for that comfort.   

After Christ spoke those words, asking for the Father's will to be done, we read that 

"there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him." Luke 22:43

No angel has appeared to me, but I have felt a strength from heaven.

Verse 44 continues, 

"And being in agony he prayed more earnestly."

This was interesting to me because I have felt in agony many times.  I know that Christ's pain was much more and different than mine, but I have felt emotional agony.  I worry about being out in public when one of those moments might hit.   Each time I feel that emotional agony I pray more earnestly and I feel that strength from heaven, from our Father, lifting me and helping me, and once again I am reminded that He knows me, He loves me, and I will be alright.



I don't know how to envision it, but I do know, in my mind and in my heart, that I will see Terry again and we will live together again, for eternity.  How joyous that is!  

Each time I begin to falter I try to remember the promise of eternal life and the path I must take to get there.  I remember that I can not feel complete peace during a time of complete loss of emotional control.  I must stand strong and move forward, every step being guided and even physically lifted as if someone were walking at my side steadying my way and giving me strength to take the next step. This does not mean that I never falter, it means that I know where to turn when I do. 

image from google search

"Heaven's Light is always just a prayer away!"

Among other places, we read about Christ's grand purpose in coming to earth in John 6:38 - 

"For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me."  

Consider our purpose for coming to earth.  Is it not to do the will of our Father?  In a much lesser role, but still to do His will, accept His will, obey His will.  His will be done! 

And we, ourselves, want to do this - we want to do the will of the Father, because 

"...every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life..."  John 6:40

I do want everlasting life, so I will strive daily to 

"learn of [Him], and listen to [His] words; walk in the meekness of [His] Spirit, and [I] shall have peace in [Him]."  D&C 19:23

and I shall have everlasting life, with my eternal companion ...,
and it will be worth it!

"While there may be thorns and disappointments, while there may be heartache, even heartbreak, there can be peace and comfort and strength from the Lord for those who follow Him."  

- Gordon B. Hinckley

My faith and my strength is in my Savior!  

SaveSave

A Sunday Lesson

I was studying in The Gospel Principles book today and found that, once again, the things I have been taught my whole life affect me in a different way now.  I don't know if they take on new meaning, but there is something new about it.  My heart and mind seem to focus toward things pertaining to Terry and our eternal relationship more than ever before, even though it was something I thought about before, I believed before, and was grateful for before. There is something different with it all now.  

This post could have been put in my To Remind Me blog, but because it is about Terry I wanted it here.  (I've wondered about putting those two blogs together - I just did add a few posts from that blog and each is post dated to the time I had originally posted in that other blog, each under the label To Remind Me.) 

I have chosen to share the quote from the book (in bold) and then the thoughts that came to me about that quote.

"Our Father in Heaven knows who we are and ... He has chosen the time and place for each of us to be born so we can learn the lessons we personally need and do the most good with our individual talents and personalities."

I know that it is our Father's plan that Terry's life on earth was at the time it was and for only the time it was.  I don't understand why it was as short a time as it was, but I do know it was the Lord's will.  I am grateful that we met and married and lived and loved each other for almost 35 years in happiness and joy with a family that is eternal. Terry has done much good - he has helped and taught me and has been a great blessing in my life. I will remember his words of encouragement, counsel, and truth, and it will guide me for the rest of my life. We often talked about how grateful we were that we had found each other and how it always felt so right.  That is still true.

"[Our Heavenly Father] wanted us to develop the godlike qualities that He has."

As I read this I immediately thought of the talk Gregory gave at Terry's funeral (see the post Christlike Characteristics).  I have some work to do on that part of my life.  I am so grateful for the qualities that Terry had developed and how they blessed my life.

"If we passed our tests, we would receive the fulness of joy that our Heavenly Father has received."

Thoughts that came to me as I read this were about an experience I had while Terry was in the hospital. 

I was frustrated, scared, disappointed, and desirous of a miracle. We had just studied about Job in our primary class so that scripture story was fresh on my mind.  I was comparing all of Jobs trials to Terry's trials - the new pains and infections that were tormenting his body seemed to be coming faster and harder ..., and he was being strong and faithful through them all so why were there so many.   I was having a "conversation with the Lord" about this fact and how Terry had not "charged God foolishly" nor had he or would he "curse God and die". With everything that has been thrown at him Terry "held fast his integrity".   

I continued with more complaints (I guess that is the best word to fit what I was doing) and I guess I was trying to convince the Lord that He could heal Terry and allow him to live with us on earth in good health for a long long time still and that Terry would serve Him well in whatever capacity He would require of him during that future life.  

As I was comparing Terry to Job and sharing all of this with the Lord I told the Lord that Job didn't loose his life, so why should Terry have to?  It was then that these words came to me clear and strong, yet ever so soft and reverent - "Terry has passed his test, now it is my turn" - Oh my goodness ..., I was Job.  I am the one that will loose my beloved family member and therefore possibly tempted to curse God and die - will I stand firm and faithful?  

I promised that very moment that I would.  I told the Lord that He could trust me to do so, and He knows that, so could He please remove this trial from me and allow a miracle to take place.  Well, we know that was one prayer that was not answered in the affirmative. I really wish I didn't have to prove myself in this way.  

Even with all of this sorrow I really do promise to "hold fast my integrity" and stand firm and faithful, enduring to the end, trusting the Lord.  That is the only way that our eternal marriage will remain in effect, and I want those blessings more than anything else.

  

"The purpose of our progression: to have a fulness of joy."  

Before we came to earth we learned that all of us would have trials in our lives: sickness, disappointment, pain, sorrow, and death.  (For me these seemed to come all at once.)  But we understood that these would be given to us for our experience and our good.  If we allowed them to, these trials would purify us rather than defeat us.  They would teach us to have endurance, patience, and charity.

I have a lot to learn!  Some day I want to have that fulness of joy. 

Glory shall follow After much tribulation

Glory shall follow After much tribulation

I noticed a copy of this on my fridge this morning.  On the morning of December 12th Anthony brought this to me to read.  He had been reading the D&C and this touched his heart and he felt like sharing it with me.  I had him make a copy of it to place where I could view it often.  It is a great reminder.

After much tribulation come the blessings.  I hope to be ready for and worthy of those blessings.



This was first published at  http://waitingpatientlyonthelord.blogspot.com/2015/01/glory-shall-follow-after-much.html

Ponder

I read Ponder the Path of Thy Feet by President Thomas S. Monson (given October 2014 General Conference) this morning as part of my scripture study and lesson prep and knew I must post this quote to remind me.

 

"While we will find on our path bitter sorrow, we can also find great happiness."



I know this sounds strange - one of those oxymorons, but I too can testify that this is true.  And I am grateful for it.



This was first posted at  http://waitingpatientlyonthelord.blogspot.com/2015/01/bitter-sorrow-and-great-happiness.html