Well, usually I have posted a picture of the kids heading out to their first day or two of school. I was otherwise occupied and not thinking about that the first three days of school for Anthony, but then a new week came when I too was headed out the door for school ..., or for seminary, before school.
It was an odd, but even familiar feeling. I think I have a picture of the first day of school when I was in elementary school. I feel a little old here. But doesn't Anthony look awesome!
I am glad to know that my first week isn't my final week, so that I have time to improve. I hope the students will survive and be able to overlook my unprofessional and weak teaching abilities.
I have enjoyed my time studying. There is so much good in the scriptures and I love how I am feeling the love of God in the study of the Old Testament and Pearl of Great Price.
This morning I was so into my studying that I was almost late for church. We are using the most recent General Conference messages as we study throughout the year, and one quote that touched me today was just for me. Not necessarily one I planned to share with the class, but it spoke directly to me, as have many other quotes and scriptures of late.
“If we looked at mortality as the whole of existence, then pain, sorrow, failure, and short life would be calamity. But if we look upon life as an eternal thing stretching far into the premortal past and on into the eternal post-death future, then all happenings may be put in proper perspective.”7
Message by Elder Rafael E. Pino, p 118 May 2015 Ensign. Quote is from President Spencer W. Kimball.
We will begin our study of Moses this week in seminary. One scripture (among the many great verses I've read the last couple days), has sunk deep into my heart and as I liken it unto me, I see and I testify that it is true. What He says to one, He says to all! (D&C 93:49) He is saying this to me.
Moses 1:26 "And lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days..."
The Lord was talking to Moses and preparing him for what was to come - for what he would become. I feel encouragement from this message and will strive with all my heart to remember it and use it to help me in my becoming.
I know the Lord is with me, and for that, I am grateful. I hope to remember this through all the ups and downs that are sure to come.
I love the Lord.
I love the scriptures.
I love my family.
New to my list, but genuinely so - I love my seminary students.
I love the peace the Spirit brings.
Today I continue my thoughts after yesterday's My Dream post where I said this - "I know that our loving Father in Heaven is aware of my crushed dreams and my need to come up with a new dream. I know He knows that I don't really want to, but need to if I am going to be ready for the blessings that await me and my spouse and our family. I also know that He is giving me the nudge I need, after several months of mourning and sitting stagnant."
My nudge came more as a "kick in the pants" and in the way of a calling to serve. The hardest calling I have ever been given.
A few weeks ago I was invited into the bishop's office and he asked me to teach seminary this fall. WOW! That came as a huge surprise.
I was not pleased at this assignment and wanted so badly to decline the invitation, (like many other invitations of late). Something inside wouldn't let me even though my fears were overshadowing me with an almost tangible, definitely stressful, darkness inside.
Luckily there was a light shining through strong enough to pierce the darkness - a LIGHT that was telling me that I must accept this call.
So when I finally composed myself enough to speak, I told the bishop that if he was convinced, without any doubt that this call was from the Lord - not just something that they (the bishopric) thought would be a good idea - then I was convinced that I must accept this call. He assured me that he had never been so sure. I will obey!
So the last few weeks I have been studying and reading how to become a seminary teacher. It has been a challenge for me because I still have that inability to concentrate and focus for an extended period of time. How can I spend hours studying when I cannot concentrate for even one hour at a time?
This has been a great help!
Well, with what studying I have been able to do, I have come to a conclusion that this new mind set of mine could actually be a blessing in disguise - it is suggested that we spend no more than 2 hours a day with our preparation. Oh Bother! I don't think I have ever spent so little time with preparation for a talk or lesson.
I am the kind of person that spends every waking moment on my next project and with today's mind set I don't have enough waking moments to do that for seminary 5 days a week every week.
With all the pre-learning that I need to do to help me be a good teacher I am currently spending more time than two hours a day trying to prepare myself (it takes place several times a day with a few focus changes in between). I just wanna be the best I can be. I hope my mind can recall what I have been learning when it comes time to use it. I know that the best thing I can do is to let the Spirit guide me.
One of the first things I read and viewed was a message given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland to the CES Religious Educators on Feb 6 2015. I listened to and read that message and felt it was precisely what I needed. It was so personal for me. Not just as a seminary teacher, but for everything I am presently going through in life. I really needed those exact words, even at the very time I read it. So I put a note on my computer monitor to remind me.
It joins a thought on the other side of the monitor that I wrote a few months ago after having an inspirational moment one day (after Terry's passing).
Both of these help me focus and put things into perspective.
As much as I wish I did not have to accept this call and that I didn't have to start with the most difficult course of study (for me personally), I have had a few personal witnesses that it is the right call for me at the right time for me.
course of study
Because I have had a few simple yet profound personal moments bearing witness that this is the right thing for me to do I have found myself almost becoming excited about teaching seminary. That is a very strange feeling, and I expect it will continue and become a more constant feeling as time goes on. So again I am experiencing good and joyful at the same time as bad and terrifying - seems wrong but it does happen to me often. I hope that someday the light of the good and joyful will far outweigh the darkness.
Being a seminary teacher will require so much, but it will be worth every effort.
Is it true that the harder the test the greater the blessing? I hope so, because I have so many prayers sent heavenward for my children and their families, and I promise to do everything in my power to help those prayers (and maybe I can even call them dreams) be realized and come true.
So with this difficult assignment and all that will be required of me to fulfill it well, I feel my Saviors love for me and for my family. And I will hope that tomorrow it will "turn out better than I think!"
It isn't going to be an "over night" change, but I can feel that the change will come, line upon line, one step at a time, one tomorrow at a time. And this is one change that I do look forward to - it is something that I desperately need.
Each of us also carries a load. Our individualloadis comprised of demands and opportunities, obligations and privileges, afflictions and blessings, and options and constraints. Two guiding questions can be helpful as we periodically and prayerfully assess ourload: “Is theloadI am carrying producing the spiritual traction that will enable me to press forward with faith in Christ on the strait and narrow path and avoid getting stuck? Is theloadI am carrying creating sufficient spiritual traction so I ultimately can return home to Heavenly Father?”
Sometimes we mistakenly may believe that happiness is the absence of a load. But bearing a load is a necessary and essential part of the plan of happiness. Because our individual load needs to generate spiritual traction, we should be careful to not haul around in our lives so many nice but unnecessary things that we are distracted and diverted from the things that truly matter most.
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