I am Here!

Today my feelings are reminding me of the story "Horton Hears a Who".

Yes, I am here!  I know it has been awhile since I have written.  Sorry!

By posting today I am putting myself at risk of being analyzed and I don't really want that, nor the attention my writing might bring. That is certainly not my purpose for writing.

My lack of posting has concerned some, so I decided I'd give in today and fulfill a request to let you know that I am here, and I am fine!  

One reason I hadn't written was because I didn't really know what I should say or how I should say it.  It's often the same ole thing.  By the time I click Publish I will probably wish I hadn't.  However, I will say it like it is today, not telling all, but enough to be honest and truthful.  

I wish I could say that I'm doing very well and living life to it's fullest. Instead, I'm embarrassed to say that I keep finding myself in a bit of a rut again and again.  I keep digging my way up and then I experience a land slide that takes me lower and I have to start again.  It's discouraging to say the least. The last few months have been more difficult than I expected (for various reasons).  Though they have not been the best of times, they have not been the worst of times either, so I am grateful for that.

I keep reminding myself that I am human and that difficult times will continue to "bless" my life, but I also keep wishing that I was perfect and could have magical powers to jump or fly over the crippling land slides and remain untouched.  Realizing that is the stuff fairy tales are made of and I am not living a fairy tale, I do recognize the better way.  I am a real human being with real human tendencies.  I will suffer pain, sorrow, loss, discouragement and confusion, and a myriad of other trials and afflictions because I am human.  I will experience them over and over again.  
But, I also know that I am a child of God and He has sent me here.  Not to fail nor to suffer constantly because of the conditions I'm surrounded with, but to find joy in my journey no matter how difficult it becomes.

At times I still struggle with the here and now part of life, and need to remind myself often of the eternal perspective.


A few weeks ago we studied the book of Job in our seminary class.  It was a tricky set of lessons because they reminded me so much of the circumstances in my past and how they could be likened to Job and his constant stream  (or flood) of trials and tribulations.   [previous post titled A Sunday Lesson]

Then we moved to lessons from Psalms, which I found very uplifting.  I even found this lovely arrangement for Psalms 23 - a musical message that lifts and lightened the soul.

We have recently begun Isaiah, where I've found difficulty in studying, but joy in the message.  The last lesson and the next few lessons remind me of the message I gave in Stake Conference several years ago -  I titled it  Thank You for Waiting!  I took a few minutes from my seminary study time to re-read that message and it was a much needed reminder.
I am so grateful for that opportunity to speak on that subject because it made me study it and find examples in my life that testify to the important doctrines and principles surrounding that theme.  It now stands as a witness and as encouragement to help me look forward and move forward - toward God - and to wait patiently.  It helps me know how to wait patiently and all that is required in that waiting.  It also speaks of the love I have for Terry and the good man that he was and the many ways he has helped me through life ..., and in many ways he is and will continue to help me through life.


Too many times I have read the book of Isaiah without truly studying it and in doing so I have missed the great message that is found within.  It testifies of Christ and His power to bless our lives.

Isaiah 41:10
Fear though not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
v13 - Fear not; I will help thee.

He has been there for us from the very beginning, He is with us now, and He will be with us for eternity if we let Him.

This has been a repeating theme throughout the Old Testament so far.  I haven't previously done much complete study of the OT, so I hadn't previously noticed that message so prevalent.  But it is there, often, testifying to us that the Lord is with us.  He tells us often - "I am with thee!"  "Surely I will be with thee!"  Others tell us "The Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."  "Be not afraid ... for the Lord thy God is with thee."  It is a plain and precious message to let us know that He loves us and will be there for us.

I know that the Lord is aware of me.  He knows me by name.  He knows my weaknesses and He will be my strength through all of my difficult moments.

I am grateful for this Easter holiday and the very reason for it.  What a beautiful reminder.

A few months ago I watched a movie that had a scene of a boy and girl running to find each other.  The girl hears the boy say "I am here"  a few times but she cannot see him.  Each time it was said with  a quiet calmness even though their surroundings were hectic and loud, even frightening.  I wondered to myself why they didn't make it sound like he was saying it with a breathless, even frustrated sound, because he was running and worried that they wouldn't see each other.  

Then I remembered that the Spirit speaks to us in quiet tones. The Lord says to us "I am here!" 

His voice calls out to us to calm us and reassure us that all will be well if we listen to Him and follow His voice.  It doesn't tell us that our hardships are over, but rather - He is here with us helping us through them.   When the world seems in turmoil around us, we just need to listen for the Lord's comforting words,  "Fear though not; for I am with thee .... I will help thee!"

from here

HAPPY EASTER!

Funeral Services

I came to the computer to share the date and time for the funeral and was waiting for the computer to power up when I noticed a pencil on my desk. 

My desk is a mess right now, piled with things that have needed taken care of for several weeks or more, but I am the only one that can take care of those things, and I just haven't given it the time it needs. 

(I won't for a while still, and I'm okay with that. There are so many things in my life that have been let go, some for a few weeks and some for a few years, so I know my life will begin to get pretty busy this upcoming year since my every moment will not be spent caring for my husband.  It became no easy task the last couple weeks, but I would have kept going as long as I needed to.  In a selfish way I almost wish it could have continued, but not really because I am even more grateful and joyful that he is no longer suffering. I just miss him so much, but I know that is actually a good thing too, because it proves that I loved him.  He was my life for so long. It is hard to just let go. It's such a drastic change.)
I'll try to remember and focus on the fact that I'm Fine!

So this pencil was probably pulled from the pencil jar above my desk a day or two ago because others have been used and left under piles of things on my desk.  No doubt this pencil would have been piled on soon too.  I picked it up to read the saying on it and it was the exact message I had been trying to tell myself this morning - FIND JOY IN THE JOURNEY. 

I am grateful for the tender mercies that we are experiencing of late.  They will surely be what helps me stop crying.  I keep thinking of something I heard Sister Marjorie Pay Hinckley say - 
“The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”  


We are trying to make all the necessary arrangements for the upcoming events in our lives.  It is sometimes a very difficult thing to do, but we are finding joy in being together and looking forward to having the rest of our family with us by the end of next week.

There is a strangeness to the fact that while going through such a difficult time we can find joy in the moment.  I'm sure it is because of the knowledge we have about our Father in Heaven's Plan. 

Okay, now for the reason I sat at this chair this morning -

The funeral will be December 20th at 10:00am in Royal Camp, LDS church. 

Finding Joy in the Journey

This is Terry's sacrament meeting talk given 27 November 2011


The journey through life has a handrail. That handrail is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is there to give direction, comfort and stability to all who choose to use it.

When we are very young the handrail is set at the height of our mother’s hand.  As we get older it is elevated slightly but easy to hold on to.  In our primary years it begins to become more important to us.  As youth our handrail offers instruction as well as support. These gospel instructions are in the For Strength of Youth, the Church magazines, parental counsel, the scriptures, YW and YM, Sunday School, Sacrament meetings, prayer, seminary and all wholesome and proper activities and all things that the gospel offers.

A little bit later this handrail leads to the temple, missions, sealings, baptisms for the dead, joyful family life, and in the end to eternity. The handrail provided by the Savior is the most sure way of finding joy in this our journey through mortality.

It has been said “Life is not about the destination, but the journey.” We know that the proper journey is the most important for it leads to the proper destination.

Have you ever been hiking in the mountains knowing you’re on the right path?  Doesn’t this give you peace and comfort and allow you to see your beautiful surroundings, rather than worrying where you are headed?  Being on the right path leads to a joyful journey!

This does not mean we won’t get tired sometimes.  Jesus himself was weary from His journey and sat down at that ancient Jacobs well to rest.  He wasn’t tired from His assignment from His Father, but His physical being needed rest.  It was here He met the woman to whom he introduced Himself as the Messiah saying; “I that speak to thee am He.”

I have a friend who when we talk always brings up his family.  Our last conversation he said, “I have a good wife and my kids don’t disappoint me!”  This is similar to what John said to Gaius by letter stating; “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.”  (3 John 1:4)  Knowing and walking in the truth brings joy to the journey.

There are many journeys discussed in the scriptures.  Even the Plan of Salvation was instituted to help us on our journey.  All Christ does in Heaven and on earth, both as a Spirit and then born of Mary, is to allow us to return to Him and our Father in Heaven.  Adam and Eve initiated this earthly journey.

Moses led a vast group of Israelites for 40 years as they journeyed in the wilderness.  Who supported them in their wanderings?  Who provided the manna?  Who provided the water from a rock?  Who gave them the Ten Commandments?  It was Jehovah, the Spirit son of Heavenly Father!  Who provides for us now?  Who delivers us from the grave?  Who extends His forgiveness that we may repent and be clean and come unto Him?  Jesus Christ, as the physical and spiritual Son of Heavenly Father.

We on this earthly journey can find joy in knowing we are not alone. Knowing God knows and understands and loves each of us brings joy to the journey.

There are many other scriptural accounts from which to learn. Joseph who was sold into Egypt journeyed with a band of Ishmaelites, was re-sold to Potiphar, was put over his whole house, was imprisoned and eventually, through never losing faith or sight of who he was, saved the entire nation from famine, and his father’s household as well.

Ammon, our great missionary friend and a true Nephite, journeyed to the kingdom of Lamoni.  Through his strength in the Lord and his own diligence Ammon found favor in the eyes of Lamoni and taught him and his whole kingdom the gospel.  Ammon was such a great representative of the Lord that Lamoni contended with his father. Then Ammon defended him with the sword and so great was the power of the Lord in Ammon that later Lamoni’s father and all his household were converted.  This conversion was because Aaron helped king Lamoni’s Father understand the gospel.  The king had a similar experience as his son and was truly converted.  The king said in prayer; “I will give up all my sins to know thee.”

Both King Lamoni and his father were thinking everything was fine in their kingdoms.  They were the top dogs, period!  But they learned they were in error.  They had the faith and the strength and courage to change. There is great joy in the journey through repentance and coming more fully unto Christ. 

As many of you know, Elaine is the author of an internet blog.  She keeps many informed and encouraged through her “We are Family” site.  I know several of you are nearly addicted to her writings.  This seems to be an important help to those who want to know of the goings on in our house.  Even though this, at times, is a nearly daily responsibility, Elaine finds joy in helping others. There is joy in the journey through being of service.  Those who help others be happy are usually happy.

We each have our own journey.  Many times we experience things we never thought we would.  Sometimes we feel all is well. Sometimes we feel like the top dog in our own kingdom or career or livelihood or family or whatever.  There are seasons of life when we know we are not.  No one is immune to hard times or difficulties. The only choice we have is how we will handle them.  With the handrail of the gospel we know we can make it through gracefully.

I would like to share a personal experience of someone who I believe handled life well.  On my very first chemo treatment my body was not used to receiving such strong foreign materials that were being introduced into it that day.  When this happened things got sort of rough and I threw up.  After some medication and time to settle down, the elderly lady to my left asked,  “What are you in for?”  It sounded like a question from a prison inmate; but I knew what she meant.  I told her and she asked, “Are you willing to accept some advice?”  I said “sure, to which she said, “You have to remember three things. You have to be positive, you have to have faith, and you have to pray.”  I said, “I believe all of that!” and she said, touching me on the arm, “You’re going to be fine!”  She knew because she lived it, and I could tell!  She’s right.

Partly because of her influence on March 2^nd 2010, just prior to going to the cancer center, the following was written; 

I’m Fine
 

Having cancer is like the throwing of a rock into a peaceful pool.  In many instances it can be very unsettling and disruptive.  Many times the cherished peace no longer remains.

 

There are times though that the scene can be a thing of beauty.  Perhaps the rocking of the gentle waves can set a floating leaf to dance, lively and delighted and made happy by the new found energy.

To the observer the ripples may extend clear to the ponds edge where they may seem to be an harassment to a slumbering frog, seeming to be a never ending teasing at which he wants to smile but never even blinks.  Is he pleased by this?  It’s hard to say.  He stays.
 

In other ways this cancer rock penetrating the calm becomes a nuisance, as to the fish who lurked below just ready to dine on a mosquito now no longer visible nor available for his favorite lunch.  If that rock had not entered the water things could be different.

 

For many the hope is that the rock will settle on the ponds floor, being seized upon by the mud and debris and for ever there remain.  Probably for all who have cancer this is the wish.  Out of sight but never out of mind we wish for its demise in obscurity.

 

In an odd way though, many of us as owners, are grateful for this rock. For though the disruptions and loss of calm, we become enlivened by the goodness of the constant ripple of kindness that seems to never end.  We have loved ones and care givers and other good people whom we never expected to ever know who have brought hope and help and faith and prayer and a positive attitude. We have doctors and nurses who never blink, who keep their eyes fixed upon the goal of making us well.  There are many through unseen efforts who are working to ensure that the rock remains submersed. If my rock should ever resurface I hope it won’t recognize me.

Sadly for many the splash is only the beginning and the rock is seemingly on a string, and those who know this fate awkwardly keep having it return to them.  We all wish this not to be the case.  But good can come from bad and happiness from sad strength from difficulty and experience from all.  So we seem to need to just make the best of it and trust in God.
 

We know that He who created all nature is the cure.  That He can fix our bodies.  That He can fix our spirits.  That He knows us.  That He loves us and that we will be alright, and that it will turn out better than we think. I’m fine!

 

 Written by Terry, 2 March 2010 (4:51 am)

There is another special journey of a lady on a donkey, who came to Jerusalem to be taxed.  On this trip the Savior of the world was born.  In a stable He drew his first breath.  Having descended below them all He came to earth in the most humble of circumstances.

Perhaps on that same donkey Joseph led Mary and Jesus to Egypt to save the Savior from the vicious and homicidal jealousy of King Herod.  When Herod died an angel told Joseph he could take his family back.  They ended up settling in Nazareth.

The journey of this extraordinary man would continue. His efforts were wholly for the betterment of others.  He blessed, He healed, He extolled and exhorted, He fulfilled the law, cleansed the temple, set up His Church, called the apostles, performed many miracles, did all that He was sent forth to do.

On His final earthly journey, once again upon a donkey, He made His triumphal entry into Jerusalem.  From there the scene erodes until the whole earth is threatened with darkness.  Only Christ Himself could overcome and supply the world with eternal light. From there to the resurrection, to today, He continues to give His all.  Is there a better example to follow?  Has anyone been more selfless, more loving, more divine?

It is by following Christ that we find joy in the journey. Maybe this joy is eternal and maybe our journey never ends.  Maybe we will always be learning and growing and progressing and helping others. Maybe as the pre-existence prepared us for earth life, this life prepares us for exaltation if we’re willing.    I’m sure this is so.

This is my testimony – the handrail extends to Heaven - in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen


This was posted first at 
http://waitingpatientlyonthelord.blogspot.com/2012/08/finding-joy-in-journey-terrys-talk.html