It is with heavy heart that I feel compelled to write this post this morning. I have spent the past several years sharing experiences of a wonderful man, my husband and best friend, Terry Wayne Hebdon.
This morning my news is one of mixed emotion. My heart rejoices at the fact that he is now pain free and able to move about on his own without the help of myself or my children to get him where he needed to be or to help move him to a more comfortable sitting or laying position. However wonderful that fact is, my heart feels somewhat broken as it misses it's most precious companion of almost 35 years.
My beloved and eternal companion, Terry Wayne Hebdon, passed away peacefully yesterday morning, 10 December 2014. He is in a better place and has certainly spent time greeting loved ones who have gone before, including his parents and a younger brother. No doubt he is enjoying every moment. However true that is, I cannot help but think that he too may be missing us here and I treasure in the thought that his spirit will still be felt here on earth to help sustain those of us he left behind.
Terry did not want to die, but knew that it was the Lords plan for him..., for us. There were many things he wanted to live for and he fought a good fight as he battled for more than ten years with this awful disease we call cancer. His body began to shut down and he could often feel his mind was confused. He loved to learn and he loved to hear words used properly in speaking and writing so it hurt to feel so confused at times.
Please forgive my imperfections in this post. I often had Terry read through them before I posted them so he could help me correct my spelling and grammar imperfections, but this morning I am on my own.
In many ways I do feel on my own, but I also want to make sure that you understand that I also feel a very strong presence and love from above. I know that my Savior loves me and that our loving Heavenly Father is aware of my every need and will help me through every minute of the day and night. I cannot do it alone and I am so grateful for Their presence in my life. I know They will help me and each of my children and grandchildren to carry on here on earth through our mortal existence so that we may meet once again in heaven to rejoice together with this wonderful man, my husband, a loving father and grandfather, a brother and son, an uncle, a cousin, a nephew, a friend.
It seems fitting now to share one of his poems with you and as I try to consider which poem I struggle to choose just one.
I went to the office just now to get the folders with Terry's poems so I could find the right poem to share. On my way back, with those folders tucked tight in my arms against my heart I saw this,
and then this.
My house is filled with visions of hope and love from our Savior, the Prince of Peace. We often refer to these experiences as a tender mercy or small miracles, but what we call them is not as important as the fact that they exist in large measure and I look forward to each and every one.
You may notice that the photos above are blurry. I wanted to retake them and tried, but with the darkness in the room around me and the lights on the greenery shining so brightly, (sharing a message of hope from the Light above, from He who is the Light of the World), it would not come more clearly. I left the blurry photos because they seem almost a symbol of the blurriness of my vision as my eyes are filled with tears so much of the time lately. Someday I hope to stop crying.
After sitting at my computer and waiting for those photos to load into the post I looked up and found more. More that reminds me of my Savior's love for me and for each member of my family. For you and each member of your family.
And then this special view ...
I love this man, I am grateful to have him as my eternal companion. I look forward to our reunion one day to hold him tight without hurting him and to see him face to face. Until then, the smiling face above is the face I will see.
I know he loves me and I now know what poem I will share with you. It was a special moment during a difficult time and it is close to my heart and to those who shared it with me. I will share the experience and the poem written by my love.
The day we were admitted to the hospital for Terry's last few hours on earth the hospital chaplain came in wishing to help comfort us. In our selfish moment of grieving we mentioned how it seemed he spent too much time there, but while he was there he asked about Terry and what he did and liked. I mentioned that he liked to write poems. The chaplain asked more about the poems and if there were any romantic poems. I answered to the affirmative, sharing that the very first poem I ever knew him to write was one such poem. We wished we had Terry's poem book with us and when Dana went home for a couple hours she brought back one of the books.
Wednesday morning after Terry had passed away and we were sitting in the room together (with heavy hearts) Thomas picked up that book and began to read it. He was soon filled with emotion and handed the book to Dana so she could read one of those poems. The first poem in the book, the first poem I ever knew Terry to write, and it was to me. It was written 35 years ago, December 4th, a couple months before we were married. This poem now helps me find comfort in a very tender time.
Terry did not give this poem a title, but I did when I put it in the book. I call it "A Love Letter" because that is what it was to me, and that is what it still is to me.
My heart is full
it cannot write
and so my hand picks up the plight
To express to you
my love and care
and thank you most
for being there
For permitting my acquaintance
with you to grow
and become a love
that's true we know
A thing that thrives
when we're together
a bonding force
for worse or better
An emotion that
one day may be
a light far off
that we can see
Which guides us both
in our trek together
in stormy weather
That utopia we both
must strive to find
and being kind
Now let it be said
before I'm through
Elaine, my dearest
I do love you!
This was more special to me than what my children even knew at the time, because for a couple weeks I had secretly and selfishly wished that Terry might write a poem for me and leave it for me to find after he passed away. This was it, and my heart was full, and I am so grateful that it was brought to my attention at such a needful time.
I have shared with you some very tender feelings today and I hope they somehow help you know of the love that Terry and I shared and will continue to share, and of the love I have for and feel from our Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ.
I believe that Terry would be pleased with what I shared this morning because he would often comment on how special it was that friends and family would read this blog to learn about our little part of the world and he felt the love that came from each of you.
So, with that, I send a special thanks from him and from me for your love and concern, for your comments and for your unselfish service, and especially for your prayers on our behalf. When people have asked me what they can do I have often suggested that they continue to pray for us. If you send the prayers upward they will rain back down on us and we will be lifted.
We love you!