The Drivers Seat

I can only recall one time being in the drivers seat since driving Terry to Wenatchee on Tuesday morning (the 9th) and that was the next day to take Anthony into the school to get his car.  

The boys have been driving me wherever I needed to go and I was "numb" enough to let it happen without concern, and I even knew it was for the best because I wasn't sure I could function well enough to drive safely.  

But then one day I noticed I was feeling quite unnerved at not being behind the wheel and decided it was time to take my place in the drivers seat again (where I had been for many years).   So our trip to Idaho was all mine.  We made some well timed rest stops and played some music and ate some snacks to help with the long drive.   

I remember when I started driving everywhere after Terry started his first chemo treatments.  I reminded myself of my grandmother who drove everywhere she and grandpa went.  Her reason for driving (if I have my information correct) was because she was just too nervous when grandpa drove. My reason to start driving was for a different reason, but after I started driving so much of the time I began to feel uncomfortable when others drove.  That uncomfortable feeling left me for a couple weeks but it has returned and I found myself hogging' the wheel. 

I needed that!

It is one of those things about me that I need to have as a constant in my day to day life.  With so much around me and about me changing I feel the need to not let everything change in every way. 

It makes me feel like I might start mending one little particle at a time. There will always be a part of me missing, but I hope in time that will make me stronger, rather than weaker ..., because I want eternity.   I look forward to it.

I love my Savior and I can feel my Savior's love ..., 

"He will not always take your afflictions from you, 

but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face."  

- Thomas S. Monson

and I love my husband and I still feel my husbands love for me ..., 

Oh! ..., and ...

It felt good to feel good to be home.  Strange feeling!   A tender mercy / small miracle!