Friday, January 9, 2015

There is beauty all around

This past week included some tender days but they were necessary and overall they were good days. The more I learn the better I feel about things, until I realize that the more I learn the more I know I don't really know.

We have begun the almost dreaded domino of meetings that are to help me do what is required at this time in my life.  At the end of each meeting I am asked if I have any more questions and I don't at that time, but I usually do in a day or two when I realize that there is so much more I don't know.

It has been good to have Thomas with me at these meetings because he has more knowledge about this farm (due to experience) than my limited knowledge and understanding.  I was raising family and then taking care of Terry, and the farm just kinda happened without me.  I did pick up parts and run other errands at times and I have occasionally helped write out some checks, but my brain really tried to stay away from the rest of the farm stuff.  I didn't know that someday I would need that information in a very important way.

Business meetings will continue to take place but I'm looking forward to the day when they are fewer in number and frequency, and when I understand enough that they can be shorter in duration as well.  I am grateful that those people who are helping and teaching me are good people that really are helping and teaching me with patience and kindness.

Here is what the sky looked like when we left the accountants office the other day.  I thought the colors were beautiful.  We also noticed a long line of birds flying up there.  I didn't realize that they were still there when I took the picture but they span from one end of the photo to the other, single file.  It is hard to see, but they are there - I guess you can play I SPY again (first with the bunny and now with the birds).

I have been going through some of Terry's things trying to clean, organize, and learn all that I can.   Many memories have come into my mind and heart as I have continued with this process and found things he had kept.

It is a strange thing to feel so sad that Terry is not here and yet be so grateful for the many wonderful and beautiful experiences we did share together.  How does that happen..., feeling so high and so low at the same time?  I almost wish I had done this cleaning while Terry was here because there have been so many times that I want to ask him about something I've found.   I do miss being able to talk to him.  It's a loss that cannot be replaced - even though I can talk to others, it's him I want to talk to.

Here is one thing he kept that may have been saved for the message at the top because there doesn't seem to be any other reason for it - MAKE EVERY MINUTE COUNT - from the top of an old bank note.

I have also been writing thank yous and going through the cards I have received.  Of course, that has been a very tender time.  I keep wanting to sign his name first.  Maybe I should have because surely he would like to thank everyone too.


Becky Noftle said...

What bittersweet time of your life. Missing him so much but learning about him in a new way.

Ellen said...

I love the photo and the birds. So beautiful. Thank you again for sharing such tender and precious experiences.