One of Those Days!

The doctors and nurses at SCCA always told us that the transplant days would become a new date to celebrate because of the new life extended for the patient.

We didn't ever get that new life - there was nothing concerning Terry's health changed for the better that we could see, and we never did celebrate either transplant date.  Those two days were just another day on the calendar to us.  In all honesty, for me they actually became days of disappointment knowing that the transplant didn't work, and I try to forget them.

However, every year, for several years now, at the beginning of each year, I go through my new planner and write in the birthdays and celebration of each family member.  I had done this for 2015 in November 2014, but I was looking through my planner Sunday morning circling the dates so I would see them more easily so as not to forget (I have forgotten lately and I hate that feeling - my mind is still not clear as it should be).  

As I did I obviously noticed the celebrations of our anniversary in Feb, and Terry's bday in July, and then came to December and of course remembered that the 10th would be the first anniversary of Terry's passing away.

Thoughts started flowing through my mind and I wondered if I should write anything on the calendar to mark that date or just leave it.  I know I won't forget it, but do I really want to remember or celebrate it?   I had an interesting feeling that I did want to remember it, for in one way it truly is the day that we had been praying for.  

It didn't come in a way we had hoped, but it did come.  Terry has been given that new life - one that is free from suffering and pain.  His cancer is gone ..., and that is what we had prayed for.

I don't know if I will celebrate the day, but I will celebrate the life ..., his life and his life with me and with our children/including their spouses and grandchildren.

I miss him, but I'm sure it will be a good year for him ..., maybe his best ever, at least concerning health issues.   We will see how I feel come December 10th and how we treat that day, but for now I am trying to count my blessings and be grateful for the joys of life that do still exist (though they are harder to enjoy without my husband at my side ....  just sayin'!).

I'm keeping busy and trying to make this new life of mine something that will be better and better as time goes on.  One thing that is ever present is the fact that I love Terry and miss him, but also ever present is the fact that the Savior is with me and helping me through it all.  I am so amazed at the almost tangent feeling that is present in my heart and mind and soul, lifting me and helping me through every part of my days and night.  I am grateful for His love for me and I know He is aware of my every need and will help me and my family through anything else that comes our way.  I also want to add that I know that Terry loves me and that he is just as anxious to be at my side as I am to be with him.

At this time in my life I know more than ever that I must trust in the Lord with all my heart because I do not know how to do it on my own.  In reality, I guess I do know that I cannot do it on my own.

Proverbs 3: 5

• Old Testament

5¶ Trust in the Lord with all thine heart ; and lean not unto thine own understanding . 

It is not possible for me to remain strong and true and steadfast on my own - it is faith in Jesus Christ and trusting Him that has helped me through every trial and disappointment and frustration in my life, and it is that same (but hopefully stronger) faith in Jesus Christ that will help me through this challenge in my life.

I was reading a message given by Ardeth G. Kapp in 2004, titled Pray Not for Light Burdens but for Strong Backs where I found this quote that seemed to speak to me today.  Sister Kapp said;

The writings of Orson F. Whitney help us understand the need for adversity:

No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God. . . . And it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven. [Quoted in Spencer W. Kimball, Tragedy or Destiny,Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year (6 December 1955), 6]

This is true.  Imagine what we would be if we did not strive with all our might and strength and put our faith and trust in the Lord.  It isn't hard to see what we must do.

In that same message by Sister Kapp, she testified of something that I too can testify of.  Using her words, but adding my witness ...,

I can testify from my own experience in life, that some of our heaviest burdens, disappointments, and heartaches can in time be replaced with “the peace of God, which passeth all understanding” (Phillipians 4:7) while “we wait upon the Lord” (Isaiah 40:31).

I have re-read (many times) the talk I gave at Stake Conference in 2009 I titled Thank You for Waiting.   More than ever before I am grateful for that opportunity to speak on that subject because returning often to that message has helped me remember to wait patiently on the Lord, and that waiting implies something more than just sitting around waiting for something to just happen.

“to wait = to remain true to Him, to remain strongly attached while staying put or still until something expected happens.”


I do expect something to happen.  Among those things that I expect are these -
I expect the Lord to fill my heart with joy and love and help me through the rest of my life without my husband at my side in his mortal form.
I expect to find joy and love with my family and friends while still on earth in our mortal form.
I expect to live my life so that I can return to my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ and to see and live with my husband forever after this mortal life, in greater joy and happiness than I have ever or will ever know on this mortal journey.
I expect the Lord to lift my soul, and even my physical body at times when I am not strong enough to carry on in my own strength.
I expect the Lord to help each member of my family with each individual need and righteous desire that is theirs, and mine for them.

I expect these things and more, because I know that the Lord has promised them to me if I do my part, and I promise to do my part so that I may partake of those promised blessings.  I know He loves me, and that is enough to help me continue on.  I know I am not perfect, which means that I will falter, but I know that He will help me do my part. Isn't that wonderful?  IT IS WONDERFUL TO ME! 

We are never really alone when we invite the Lord into our lives.


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I just finished this post, stopping right above those three little lines just above this sentence, when I learned of some heart breaking news that took me from this post and into a deep concern that I could not stand or bear on my own.  It took me to my knees and I spoke out loud to the Lord about it through a raging storm of emotion and tears.  It has been several days since I have felt that low and it is a place I don't like to be.  However, I truly can testify that no matter how low we are, no matter how challenging the hardship or trial, our Savior IS here.

This trial is not over by any means.  This part of it is just beginning, but I will rely on the Lord and He will help me.  With His help we will come out of this stronger and better for it!


I don't know why I felt I should write this, maybe just to remind myself or to give myself strength to carry on.  Sometimes speaking out loud and writing our thoughts helps us overcome and gives us courage and strength that we need.  Maybe that is why I'm sharing it.  Maybe it is to remind me (and anyone else who might need to remember) that hard things do happen to us and can and will at any given moment, but we can prevail.  Maybe I share it because it's good to share the "bad" that happens so that others don't always think that life is easy because we always share only the "good".  Life is so ... real!

I wondered if I should just click on publish without this addition, but do feel the need to add it, so I'm following through.   However, I hope it doesn't affect anyone adversely nor send extra concern toward me.  I do not need extra attention ..., honestly, I am fine!   I FEEL MY SAVIORS LOVE!


I have enjoyed this quote for years now and love to look at the different images associated with it.  Life is Good.   (I used some of these fun images in an earlier  post I titled Did You Know.  I wonder why I haven't a pinterest board dedicated to these images?  Hmmm!  Thinking ....  I do now!)

image from here

Here is a little more about a good life -

image from here

I'm in a mood I guess, and just can't stop ..., so here is a saying I found and posted a year ago (here) -

image here

Life is good when we know where to turn.  And I do know where to turn.

Now one more scripture I feel like adding:

3 Nephi 9:14

14 Yea, verily I say unto you, if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me.  

So now I'm going to get up and keep going ...
because I must and I can ...
I feel rejuvenated ..., maybe that is why I finished this post ..., it's my pep talk ..., to myself.