2 years

2 years without

I can't seem to finish that thought above.  Actually,  "without"  says what I mean.
There is an extreme emptiness.

When you lose someone close to you, a part of you goes with them.  Does that part ever come back? I'm two years out and finding that so far, that part has not returned.

However, I will say that I am slowly learning how to cope without that part of me, or with the new me. This learning process will surely take the rest of my lifetime, but I am grateful to be on the correct path and hope to remain on it until I reach my destination.


I heard a beautiful new song yesterday - The words could be my words ..., exactly!  Well, maybe not exactly, because he did put them together in a beautiful way.  But exactly my feelings.   It's like he read my mind and put this song together for me.  This is my new favorite!


  My Little Prayer - David Archuleta  

"My Little Prayer"

 Heavenly Father, I am grateful
For your eternal presence
I am learning to be patient
And that you are really there

Sometimes I am afraid
And I know that's lacking faith
But I'm beginning to understand
That for me you have a plan

Heavenly Father, I am grateful
For you sending your son
To die so that I live
And for never giving up

I'm learning everyday
That I won't always have my way
But I'm beginning to understand
That for me you have a plan

Heavenly Father, I am grateful
For you hearing my prayer
I am learning to be patient
And that you are really there

There are answers I'm receiving
No, they're not always immediate
Sometimes I have felt defeated
That's when I kneel down in prayer

You show me you hear my prayer
I'm amazed by how you care

Cause you hear
My little prayer

A Beautiful sound ..., A Beautiful message ...,  A Beautiful feeling ...

Terry is still a part of me, a very big part of me.

These quotes seem to tell my feelings.

"I keep myself busy with the things I do.  But every time I pause, I still think of you."      "My first thought in the morning is always of you."


So many times I do what I do because of him - something he said, something he did, something he expects of me, something he taught me ... .



Before Terry died I had hope.  Hope that he would get better.  Hope for a brighter future.  Hope for some fun travel together to see our children and grandchildren more often.  Even hope for another day, week, month, or year with him.

After he died my hope was gone - without that chance of recovery there was nothing more to hope for.  That was my bad!  I know that.  I know better.  But it was such a big part of my life that I couldn't see past it.

I should have always placed my hope in eternity, but it was more in mortality.  So when that hope was taken from me, I was lost.

I have always known of and believed in eternity, so that wasn't the problem.  I still believed, but my perspective had been skewed.

It probably took me longer than it should have, but I do believe I am finally getting it.  My hope is now in eternity.  That is what I live for!  An eternal perspective really makes things better.



There was a great quote on the program at church several months ago - probably for Fathers Day.  I had it with a stack of papers on my desk that I finally cleaned and organized  (oops!  kinda late with that.)
It speaks of fathers, but husbands or wives could fit in that sentence just as easily.

"A father's calling is eternal, and its importance transcends time.  It is a calling for both time and eternity."  Ezra Taft Benson

In seminary we have been learning how Christ's power is not limited by physical elements or distance. It is also not limited by time.

I am so grateful for our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, and for the gospel principles and ordinances and covenants that make eternity possible.

I am grateful that I have been sealed to my husband so that our love and life together can be more than just for time, because time just wasn't enough. Eternity gives us all ... all eternity.  That is JOY!



This week began with a tender mercy Sunday morning.  A special experience to help me feel the love of our Heavenly Father, our Savior, and from Terry.  I always thought it would be hard to lose someone around Christmas, but after experiencing it I feel so grateful that it happened that way.  The feel of Christmas is so wonderful and the focus on Christ seems to make it a perfect time, if it has to happen at all - and we know it does have to happen.  It is part of the glorious plan.


I am grateful!

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